I will have a job soon as an English and Values teacher at St. Francis school. The commute to get there is less than an hour, traffic included.

I am about to undergo a new stage in my life.

In a way, yes, it will be different because I will have new responsibilities. However, it can be compared to student-type of responsibilities. I mean, seriously, this is how I view it:

Setting:
students - school
teachers - school

Experience:
students - learn
teachers - teach (and learn)

Non-academic activities:
students - participate
teachers - administer (and at times, maybe participate too)

Post school hours and weekends:
students - projects, homeworks, study for quizzes and tests
teachers - make lesson plans and tests, compute grades, check papers

So yeah.. let's say the teachers have more things to do because there are a lot of students. Like this:

students - have 7-10 teachers - if all give homework, then = 7-10 homeworks
teachers - have 100 students (approximate) in 5 sections, then = 5 homeworks (in a sense)

So yeah. I think (for now) that the teaching experience is sorta like being a student too plus the paycheck. I will manage my time wisely so that I can manage my time for my boyfriend, friends, and my health.

During my tough times of being busy and failing physical and emotional health, really, all I need are the support of my loved ones, sleep, goal-driven determination, and God.

I feel a bit more accomplished now.
I mean, I have a kind, patient, loving, beautiful mother who I love very much.
I have a wonderfully awesome boyfriend who I am deeply in love with and whom I can see myself with in decades.
I have friends who are protective, supportive, and caring of me.
They all love me very much.

I have a roof over my head, food on the table and ref, clothes that are in good condition, and some luxuries like the internet, books, and girl stuff.

Now, I have a job. I will soon earn money. I will not view myself as a worthless person anymore. I bet I will also love my students.

I feel blessed. I am never ungrateful.
Sure, there are times when I get overwhelmed and my mood's not that good (like any other individual), but still... I am aware that I am blessed.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you, Lord.
I live.

Labels: event, love, optimism, school

I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

mood: chirpy
listening to: Happy by Natasha Bedingfield

I love "sembreak".
I love how I could relate so much to this song after such a dark month at school.

Landlords knocking at my door cussing me out
Got laid off my "job" the night before
Can't figure how
I'm gonna fix tomorrow away
If today's still a mess
Can you tell me what's the point man
It all seems meaningless

I wish that I could step away and breathe
This world's trying to swallow me
Clear away the clouds inside my head

Someone just tell me
That it's ok now
What are you worried about

Got my dreams, got my life, got my love
Got my friends got the sunshine above
Why am I making this hard on myself
When there's so many beautiful reasons I have to be happy

People lie
People hide
People cry
People fight
And they don't know why [NO. They DO know.]
If fear is all that we should fear
Then what are we so afraid of [the cause of fear]
Cause fear is only in our heads

Any day I'll go bad thinking bad
Everyone is against me and the world wants to fight me
Preparing to battle an enemy unseen
During my stressing I'm blinded to the lesson
That could be a blessing if I'd be confessing that the enemy
I'm trying to beat is hiding inside of me

But it's ok now
What are you worrying about

Keep your grind on, girl
It's your love, it's your world

Labels: optimism, school, song lyrics

I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

mood: ok
listening to: I Write Sins Not Tragedies - Panic At The Disco

We're been so busy with schoolwork recently. It's rather hard to find time to do other things. I found myself craving sleep on the most inconvenient times. On my free time [what I would like to call as "moments to keep my sanity"], I'd read YA fiction, edit photos to blog, play games at Facebook [Pet Society, Happy Farm.. currently addicted to Farmville.. occassionally go to Typing Maniac and Buddy Poke..], watch stuff on Youtube, and at times I'd go to Plurk.

I must say, in the past, I'm one of those people who'd get mad and comment to others about them messing around other stuff instead of doing schoolwork. Now I understand why they'd to that and still get their schoolwork done. It's because you cannot not have a break. You have to clear your mind from stress. As long as you don't use your free time to procrastinate, then doing other seemingly unimportant activities every once in a while is fine. (Seemingly unimportant to others, but not to you-- is what I meant.) You need to de-stress too, you know. You're not a machine.

So there. Other than those stuff that I do, I also eat snacks. I hit a new level of skinny-ness now with my dark circles. I look horrible. So in every waking hour here at home, I'd eat. They're mostly unhealthy stuff though. Well, most snacks are, right? I know they're bad but I'm hoping it'll keep me from becoming a character from Nightmare Before Christmas [Jack]. So yeah. I mostly eat Fita, Hello Panda, Brownies, cakes, and Lays nowadays. Sugar will keep me alive with schoolwork. Unfortunately, after that, I'd suffer.


I'm also currently addicted to milk tea. It ain't good for my health especially since I rarely drink water now. Tea in the morning, tea in the afternoon, tea at night, tea at midnight, tea after midnight... Yup, my water intake took a turn for the worse. I am ashamed as soon as I realized it. I'm unconsciously killing my kidneys. I'm shooo shooooorry. I'll go back to my water-hydrating regimen, I promise.

On the brighter side, if I was addicted to coffee and drank like.. oh 7 times a day in mugs.. then I'd probably be a few feet under the soft, earthy soil now. It's a good thing my superego reacts so much every time I thought of the word "coffee".

So yeah. Anyway, I'm blogging today about the recent activity we had at school: the Feast of St. Augustine! [08.28.2009] We collaborated with Sebcom, the organization of AB Mass Communications, since they're the other course within our College, the College of Arts and Sciences. Thus, we're called as CAS.

Here are the photos of the event:

Feast of St. Augustine [08.28.2009]
























































As I was in the crowd, taking shots of the karakol dance competition, I saw a very good pattern of hats. I tried to get a good angle of them. This was the result.

I love it. This is my favorite shot.

Perhaps this week, I'll get to post about Intrams week as a sort of catharsis from the busy schedule.

Labels: addiction, awesome, event, photography, school

I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

mood: a bit lethargic [I'm kinda sick.]
listening to: Never Could Have Been Worse - Tsuneo Imahori

"By a man's fingernails, by his coat-sleeve, by his boots, by his trouser-knees, by the calluses of his forefinger and thumb, by his expression, by his shirt-cuffs, by his movements-- by each of these things a man's calling is plainly revealed. That all united should fail to enlighten the competent enquirer in any case is almost inconceivable."
~ Sherlock Holmes, 1887

I have a lot of school work nowadays.

I love it. I love it even though I look like a zombie now, with less to no appetite for almost any type of food, and of course sleep-deprived. No-- I wasn't being sarcastic at that. Humorous, yes. Not sarcastic.

I honestly like it when I'm busy with school work. The only downside is-- the schedules. But I will always find time for myself. [Like right now, for example.]

I'm taking a break from making 2 reports, both from Mrs. Maguad's class:
Filipino Psychology
Psychological Interview

The Fil.Psych report is a bit hard for me coz I have to translate a lot of Filipino texts to English coz our subject in the curriculum states that it must be learned in the English language. Unfortunately for me, the sources [books] are in Filipino.
For those who know me well, I'm having a hard time translating this in a textbook kinda way. You know how it is, right? The paper must be written in that context not in like a way that a teenager would just say whatever he wants.

It must be like this for example:
"Ito'y mga metodong subok na ang kakayahang lumikom ng impormasyon sa kulturang Pilipino at angkop sa pag-uugali at pang-araw-araw na pamumuhay ng mga Pilipino."
= These are reliable methods used in collecting information about the Filipino Culture, in relation to their behavior in their daily lives.

.. or something like that. [I'm still unsatisfied with my translation. Boo.]

..and not like this:
= These methods are reliable and can be used to get information about the Filipino Culture. It's related to their behavior and their everyday lives.

I remember our Department Head, Dr. Barron, told us to "write scholarly." [Or did she mean "scholastically? Ah, whatever.]

So yeah. I've been typing in Filipino for the past hours. I'm not done with it yet. Later, I'll try to finish them and then translate the whole thing. Again, for those who know me pretty well [in class], you know I tend to put a lot of info on my reports, ne? This time, I'll try to make it 4 pages tops. (With the usual all sides 0.50 margin, times new roman size 11, line spacing exactly 13pt, all spacing 0pt.)

So anyway, what other school stuff I have to worry about?

1. 2 quizzes on Dr. Barron's classes this week
2. our title defense on Friday for our Research in Psychology.. I still need to research a lot of stuff for it.. and make an intro.. shouldn't rely on groupmates..
3. visual aids for the two reports [that are on Tuesday and maybe Wednesday]
4. journal on our 3 fields of OJTs
5. my OJT sched
6. still no venue for the Acquaintance Party [which will be on the 27th]
7. pre-lims will start in 21, I think
8. have to transfer notes on my "serious notebook".. I write my notes on my scratch notebook.. I could freely use my "chicken-scratch handwriting there"..
9. look through the member profiles and record each member's birth dates in order to make a birthday section on one of the bulletin boards.. have to think of the designs for them too..

So there.

On a lighter note, ever since I made a facebook account, I became addicted to Pet Society [though I'm always broke there, I refuse to use the cheats], Typing Maniac [oh the adrenaline! lol], and Happy Farm [I like to plant, take care of 'em, and then harvest.. online that is]. I like Happy Farm better than Farm Town coz I understand it more. Sunshine Ranch is almost like a replica of Happy Farm but most of my friends use Happy Farm so... I haven't been on Barn Buddy. I wonder if that's fun too.

Moving on to the last thing I'd like to blog about. I found the book that I thought I'd never get a copy of! It's Tithe by Holly Black. There's always the sequels on the bookstores, but never the first one... Until the day that I found one at Fully Booked! I practically grabbed it, thinking 'no way...'. =D I might make a review after I finish it.

The book that I recently finished reading was Maximum Ride by James Patterson. Hooray for light reading! I loved it. I have to wait a while though before I buy the second book. I have a lot of expenses lately. Ah the anticipation.



May took this shot when we ate at Pizza Hut. I look like a dork.

Oh yeah. One last thing: I'm gonna change my blog's layout soon. I just have to find a layout that suits my mood. I can't decide yet.

Labels: book, psychology, school

I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

listening to: Don't Walk Away - Bethany Joy Lenz


The past Sunday I came to church surprisingly early. My head's up in the clouds though so I couldn't say I'm very proud of myself. But anyway, I actually got a seat. I don't know the measurement of the church bench but I could estimate that maybe eight people could fit there. When I came, we were only five. There's a girl and a boy to my left and a woman and a man to my right. There were respectable distances between us so I assumed the pairs don't know each other.

About five minutes after the mass began, a young couple sat beside me. My respectable distance was immediately gone (but it's cool). What annoyed me was the woman who was sitting to my right-- she hardly moved an inch. I wanted to clear my throat so bad but I didn't. I just squirmed on my seat with the old Oreo commercial jingle going on and on in my head. (Squeezed in the middle... Smack dabbed in the middle...) It's a good thing she moved a bit more after five minutes or so. The man beside her was glued to the edge of the bench and she still has that respectable distance so... *sigh* People these days.

I sat uncomfortably. It was distracting me. During the offering, as I was trying to get my money, I heard the man talked to the woman beside me. What the heck-- they actually know each other! I caught a glimpse of similar gold bands on their fingers. Wonder of wonders.

I gave a quick glance to my left. The young couple had a calm, warm vibe even though they're sitting unconveniently.

It was like I was sitting between a time lapse.

I was in the middle of an image of young, passionate love and... well, I couldn't think of a good description for the man and woman at the moment. A word comes to mind though: weariness. There was this cold atmosphere but it did not seem like they were mad at each other. They were really... distant.

I have watched movies and read books of love surviving within the passage of time but it really takes a moment like this when you're actually there and you would see such a sad sight of reality that it makes you wonder... Will that happen to me too?

I took a last glance to my left and saw what I hope for.
I took a last glance to my right and saw what I really, really do not want to happen to me in the future.


*****


I bought a mouse and a headphone yesterday. The discomfort of using my old mouse with the thought of it's foreboding dysfunctionality won't bother me again (for a while that is, until this one gets old). Also now, I could listen to the songs on my player without constantly pulling with the cord.


Anyway, do I look like a pushover?

I was in line and it was a very long line. I wasn't in a peachy mood. There's this lady who made her way beside me and asked if the line was there. I politely said yes. I thought she was going to my back (coz I was obviously in the line) but she stayed there in front of me.

What.. is up with that?

I counted up to ten seconds hoping she realize where she stands. About ten minutes passed and she's still there. Within that ten minutes, I contemplated whether or not I'd talk to her.

Her seemingly helpless expression made me think otherwise. She had that doe eyes.

And so... I remained silent.


*****


I watched some art films recently and liked it. Shout-out to Pong for the dvd! Thanks so much! The Wrestler na lang ang hindi ko pa napapanood. I'll post my review of the movies later.

Franchez, you have to watch Let the Right One In. La pelikula es muy bien. Btw, I just found out that you deleted your blog. Why?

Maan, may American version ang Pan's Labyrinth? I never knew that!

Chamie, ipapalabas ang One Litre of Tears sa GMA? Pls, pls sana maayos ang dubbing. I love it too much, I'm actually scared of pinoy audience reviews.


*****


In regards with our OJT, we ran out of options. We will have it at Trece. For the industrial setting, Jonah and I will have it at a some kind of radio broadcasting company near Star City. I'm getting excited about it. For the educational setting, here's hoping I'd get into the school's HR or Guidance this coming semester after Len and Man.

Labels: movie, plans, ponder, school

I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

mood: determined
listening to: Risque - Cute Is What We Aim For

I was cleaning my rather messy room when I got hold of my paper from my Environmental Science class a long time ago. It always amused me to see that I got 55/50. (I still don't understand why, really. There was no "extra credit" section. MYSTERY) My favorite part of the paper was this:

What was your personal reaction to the documentary?

Even before I watched the documentary, I’m already aware how dangerous the effects of global warming are. I consider myself an environmentalist in little ways; I tell people I know that making bonfires (siga) is bad for the ozone layer, I do not use sprays with CFCs and encourage my family not to also, I do not litter and encourage others not to (but they don’t listen though), among other things. Some would say that I am just an obsessive compulsive. Setting that comment aside, my purpose is really for the benefit of our environment (because it’s common sense that I’ll be affected by it). Since I was little, I am already concerned of pollution (especially air pollution since I have hereditary allergies) and wastes. I am also a health-conscious type of person since my body is weak and my immune system is functioning lower than others (or so they say). Due to these reasons, I really give importance to our environment.

When I heard that we’re going to watch a documentary about the environment, I got excited. I hope that my classmates and other students will see the real world and change their ways. Unfortunately though, it seems that the seriousness of the topic stayed only in the IMC, since I see them back to their unproductive ways afterwards. (I’m not trying to make them look bad, I’m just telling facts and they are like symbolic figures in relevance to our society.) I guess their argument will be that they’ll contribute only a small portion of the effect in our environment. If that’s the case and other people have that same idea, then gather them around and there’s a great number of people doing those things—which in sum, will not be a “small contribution” after all. If their argument will be that others will clean it up later, then they’ll seem like children who need looking after, which defies their sense of responsibility and initiative. If they’ll reason that the world won’t be destroyed right away, then they arrogantly reject the idea that of course the event won’t have an immediate impact because it’s slowly progressing to it (like the luke warm water turning hot). Before they know it, it’s already a dilemma. It’s really a pity—they epitomize the general population of our country. No wonder they say Filipinos are wasteful procrastinators. The streets littered with garbage, factories and cars still smoke, people who do not care if they contribute to the rate of dying of our planet—it is really a sad sight, not to mention it gives a bad reputation to our once beautifully clean country.

Watching this documentary made me realize the more fatal effects of global warming like to the polar bears and birds. I’m glad I got to know of those things because now I could somehow impart those facts to other people and persuade them to stop their destructive deeds. In the end, man really is the reason why our world is in extreme danger. How ironic that despite the need to survive, we kill ourselves. Despite the growing improvements in various aspects of our lives, it will actually be the cause of our downfall.

I hope more people (students in particular—because some of them might be environmentalists or politicians someday) will get to watch this. Even if they go back to their unproductive ways, at least knowledge of our world’s dilemma is already imparted to them. (Though they will not act upon it, there will still be at least a little chance or hope that before they litter, they’ll remember the documentary and have second thoughts about doing it.)

It will be up to us to save our planet. After all, we won’t be happy handling great crises later on.

I know there was no structure, but it wasn't an essay so it didn't matter that much.

Here are the questions before that one. (That was the last question.) Read if you're still interested. People must watch An Inconvenient Truth so that they'll be aware of the effects of global warming and how we contribute to it.

Who is Mr. Al Gore?
Al Gore is the 45th Vice President of the United States. He served the country from 1993 to 2001. He previously served in the U.S. House of Representatives (1977-85) and the U.S Senate (1985-93) representing Tennessee. In 2007, he shared the Nobel Peace Prize with the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change “for their efforts to build up and disseminate greater knowledge about man-made climate change, and to lay the foundations for the measure that are needed to counteract such change.”

Gore was a democratic nominee for president in the 2000 election. He lost to the Republican candidate George W. Bush in spite of winning the popular vote. legal controversy over the Florida election recount, eventually settled in favor of Bush by the Supreme Court, made the election among the most controversial in American history.

More recently, Gore has been an environmental activist, lecturing on the topic of global warming, which he labels "the climate crisis”. In 2006, he starred in the Academy Award-winning documentary film, An Inconvenient Truth, regarding the environment.


According to Mr. Gore, what are the three factors causing the collision between man and the environment?
According to Gore, the three factors causing the collision between man and the environment are the (drastically increasing) population (since people are the cause of pollution and global warming), science and technology (factories’ smoke, oil spills, chemicals, et cetera), and man’s way of thinking or attitude (procrastination, arrogance, ignorance, skepticism).


According to Mr. Gore, what are the three factors causing the collision between man and the environment?
According to Gore, the three factors causing the collision between man and the environment are the (drastically increasing) population (since people are the cause of pollution and global warming), science and technology (factories’ smoke, oil spills, chemicals, et cetera), and man’s way of thinking or attitude (procrastination, arrogance, ignorance, skepticism).


Explain the analogy between the frog and man’s attitude towards changes in the environment like global warming.
Mr. Gore gave an example of a frog that leaped in a container with hot water. Sensing the temperature, it leaped out immediately. Another example after that features the frog leap in a container with luke warm water. This time, because it’s luke warm, the frog can handle it’s temperature, thus, it stayed there. Then the luke warm water began to grow hot. The frog still stayed in the container since it can still handle the temperature. If this prolongs, the frog will be in deep trouble when it can’t handle the heat anymore.

The water represents the situation or the dilemma we’re in. If man is suddenly faced with a big crisis, then man immediately fights back or attempts to save himself. The result will be that the crisis will be acted upon and therefore saves man. But if man is put in a situation when the problem is not that big a deal [yet] (pertains to the luke warm water), man tends to procrastinate and the problem will just keep getting bigger (pertains to the luke warm water turning hotter). What he meant to say, in regards to environmental problems such as global warming, is that man right now is procrastinating in terms of making changes in the environment. If we don’t act right away, we’ll be in big trouble later.


What was Mr. Gore’s point when he presented “Reposition of Global Warming” as a theory rather than a fact?
He presented it as a theory rather than a fact because it is not yet certain whether or not the people will act on the reposition despite the fatal situation of our world. The Reposition of Global Warming will only be a fact when people react to it and actually do the reposition, eventually saving ourselves and our planet.

Mr. Gore gave a quote here as an example, “Even doctors smoke Camel.” The quote meant to point out how ironic it is that doctors smoke cigarettes when it is a fact that cigarettes endanger our health. It gives out the impression that cigarettes might not be so bad after all since doctors smoke. So in regards to people and the environment, if the men in politics (or any person with a position) and the government do not stress the enforcement about global warming, there is no guarantee that the people will act upon it when they’re informed, seeing as even the authorities do not give it a big deal, which in actuality really is a big deal.


Mr. Gore’s documentary has the US as its setting. Does it apply to Philippine setting?
Yes it does, seeing as Filipinos are procrastinators and practice ningas cogon. Our country already has many environmental hazards like smoke-belching vehicles and air-polluting/water-polluting factories. Mr. Gore’s documentary was for the whole world to know that is why he travels to many countries now and then to impart this scientific knowledge for people to act upon it. Every nation contributes; it is just that the US has the most contributions, seeing as it is one of the top countries with high technologies and other economic advancement.


What was Mr. Gore’s main objective in his program for spreading global warming? Was it technical in nature?
It is technical in nature and more than that. His objective is to open man’s mind of how our world is doing right now. It is to urge man to act upon it before it is too late. It is to lay down facts and theories to encourage man’s thoughts. Many environmentalists, theorists, and philosophers already warned man of their activities—that someday negative things will happen to our planet. What Gore is trying to do is the same. He wants to make an impact to make people listen more than ever before because the effects of global warming are fatal to us, and it’s already acting upon animals and nature in general.


What evidences did Mr. Gore present to show that Global Warming exists? Name at least three.
The melting of glaciers, change in weather, and disturbances of Ecological Niche are some of the evidences that we have global warming. Compared in the past, the glacier’s rate of melting rapidly increased in recent years. In regards to weather changes, we have more and stronger typhoons and floods, and other natural disasters—which proved to be so destructive. The disturbances of the ecological niche proved to be fatal as well; some species of animals are endangered or on the verge of extinction.


What gets us into trouble is not what we don’t know, but, what we know for sure that ain’t so.” What does this quotation mean in relation to the documentary?
I think this goes to the Skeptics mentioned for they tend to be too open for skepticisms to actually believe in the already laid-down facts or limit their urge to know the truth (because it tends to be inconvenient for this matter). In relation to the documentary, Mr. Gore wants to point out that we should be over the believe-it-or-not situation, rather to act upon it since there are already these informations at hand. Unfortunately though, if people are not informed enough or have limited information—what they already know that they think they’re sure of is really not the matter. The statement proves to be very influential and controversial.

BTW, I shall change my layout very sooooon. I finally narrowed down the 3 layouts that I like the most. =)

Labels: school

I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

mood: slightly stressed
listening to: Black Cherry - Goldfrapp

I haven't been blogging lately. A lot of things happened and I even forgot about the tags I'm supposed to answer months ago! I even have a new layout in mind but then I got unsatisfied with it.

Life's been busy with all sorts of things. Most of the time, I hardly get any sleep. In one of my classes last week, my eyes practically surrendered! It was shameful and embarassing for my part coz I hate the concept of dozing off in class as well as not having enough sleep. My dark circles are more visible than ever. Ugh. It's dreadful.

Anyway... (look at the time) I have 830 class today: Social Psychology. Thank goodness I have learned to wake up early. (I missed the first class of the semester coz I overslept despite having 3 alarm clocks-- that tends to happen to me.) So yeah.. If ever I have the time, have the space (to edit pics for the entry) or enough interest to blog, I will. This will be all for now.

Pics to put up:
Cosplay Con / Cosmania 2008
Hataw Hanep Hero Con 4
Lola's 81th bday party

This is the first cap I bought.. ever! =) I love it. (kinda big though)

Labels: health and beauty, random, school

I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

mood: exhausted
listening to: none

We have our finals this week. Sem break's next week. It's not much of a short vacation since there would be the checking of clearance, getting class cards, and then the enrolment, of which was changed so my friends and I have to register in groups or else we won't be in the same classes. The good thing is with this, we get to be with the other courses (for our minor subjects). It won't be that much boring anymore.

***

I'm exhausted. My whole body is craving for sleep and relaxation. It's hard being a person with OCD, but I can't help it.

***

The magazine we did was great! Hard work payed off. 2-3 days of only around 4-5 hours of sleep. Yes, I still manage to function. I surprise myself.

***

The best thing that happened recently: My lola's caretaker became mine too. Now, I wake up with food downstairs, the smell of clean when I get back from school, clean furniture so no more potential allergy attacks or cringing when I see a layer of dust, and I get to talk to someone during the day. Things are looking up. I still miss my mom.

My past caretaker didn't do very well.. yet again. There's been four and kanya-kanyang kapalpakan. With Ti Diling, I know I'm in good hands. She's been with my family for as long as I can remember. She cleans thoroughly, washes clothes well, cooks good food, and she has a good heart. I'm glad to have her here.

The worst thing that happened recently: One of my uncles died-- Tito Racquel, the second one on my mother's side. In my life, I've only seen him like twice or so, and that doesn't include pictures. The only picture of him that I saw was when he was like 5y.o. or something so that doesn't count. From that, you could conclude that I hardly knew him but I heard a lot of err.. not pleasant things about him. Unfortunately for him, he was the only "unsuccessful" sibling. I don't know what happened for him to throw his life away at an early age. He died from a bunch of sickness from drinking and smoking too much. I'm not sure but probably did drugs too, which makes me wonder where he gets the money for that, right? He probably has err.. ways.. or "jobs". Ok, I'm not going to dive to that.

So yeah... The siblings decided they would pitch in with the coffin and the funeral. I must say, this is like the first time someone so close to me died. By "close", I meant in blood relation. He died before Grandma. It's almost scary. But then again, he wasn't healthy. I'm expecting my cousins to contact me and ask me to come to the funeral. I haven't thought of it yet until right this moment. I'm sorry to say, but I don't like I'd like to go there. I'm not good with funerals or any family gathering for that matter. It would be boring and I'll be staring into space. (They'll probably make me take away my mobile in case I'm in desperate need to text anyone to save me.) But then again, I do have my conscience, boy do I really. So I'll probably end up going anyway. It would be one night and I suppose, I should say goodbye to him (and I don't like the idea of being haunted just coz I was absent).

***

We'll finish watching Awakenings later for our second film review. Robin Williams and Robert De Niro were great. What else is new?

Labels: family, random, school

I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

mood: sleep deprived
listening to: none

Alright, since I've been neglecting my blog (and very sorry about that), I decided to put up a "quick" entry. Why quick again? Well, look at the time.

ON OUR EXPERIMENTAL RESEARCH (formerly thought of as THESIS)...We are going to have our defense next week. We are currently working on better sentence structures, grammar, and right choice of words. Computations were done, thanks to Kuya Norman. In the end, we made use of the T-test.

ON BUYING HOUSE AND LOT...Mom's decisions are constantly changing. She's trying to think of ways on how to accommodate Grandma's living situation, my floor plans (vision of our dream house), my health condition, as well as relative(s) who might come to visit next summer vacation:
1. She decided to buy a house and lot at Camella Homes (due to a good nudge from a friend). My friends and I checked it out.

Pros:
good location
good neighborhood
Cons:
too small
wood
some cracks on walls
etc.
[No offense to them-- this is a personal review after all. Every person has his/her preferences.]
Conclusion: Thanks, but we prefer a bigger (concrete) house.

2. She decided to buy a house and lot from Mr. Reyes (her engineer friend) at Carenville (not sure of spelling).

Pros:
She knows him so we trust him.
good location - in terms of being "near" relatives and friends
good neighborhood
concrete, stone ('nuf said)
bigger house, same price as in Camella Homes'
remodeling will be an easy negotiation
there's deep well
Cons:
bad location - in terms of civilization (AKA malls, offices, etc) are far, the nearest one would take around 45 minutes to get there
neighbor's house is too close (unless we pick the lot where there's no house on either side yet)
far from school
kitchens are still small
don't need 3 bathrooms and toilet (1 toilet downstairs, 1 toilet and bathroom upstairs, and 1 toilet and bathroom with bathtub in the master's bedroom upstairs)
the balcony is somewhat small
the master's bedroom AKA my future room is smaller than what i wanted

3. Mom decided to ask Mr. Reyes if we could remodel the house-- remove the bedroom and toilet downstairs to give way to a bigger kitchen. He said yes.

4. Mom and I decided to take off the balcony (since it's small anyway) and the bathroom and toilet, to give way to a bigger master's bedroom.

5. Mom and I decided to keep the balcony. (me = potential photoshoot location; mom = open-air relaxation spot for afternoon tea or midnight star gazing)

6. Mom decided to make Grandma live with us so that Grandma's "caregiver" Ti Diling will be able to take care of both of us, though I'm obviously very low maintenance. (They know her since before I was born, she also took care of me when I was small-- she's more of a mutual family-friend of ours.) It was a great idea from Mom coz it will be like killing two birds with one stone regarding grandma and my living situation.

The debate of whether or not we make Gran live with me was settled. It's fine with me but we all know that Gran will be so upset coz she loves her house too much and she can't bring her cats into the new house-- I'm allergic to cats (fortunately not to dogs). I reminded Mom about that but she said she talked to Gran and she agreed. Yeah, it was surprising. I told Mom that if Gran will have a dementia episode, it won't be pretty but Mom said that she'll probably forget about it once she calmed down. Good luck to Ti Diling for taking care of her. I'll be out of the house most of the time what with school, school activities and OJT so by the time I'll be home, Gran could be resting or sleeping by then.

7. Mom decided to keep the bedroom and toilet downstairs for Gran.

8. Due to my current health condition-- the possibility that there's a kidney stone stuck in my urinary tract again, Mom decided to put everything on hold. Major disappointment in my part.

9. Mom said she'll probably just "build" a house on a lot she bought from Mr. Reyes years ago in a location that I'm not very fond of.

Pros:
full control of house materials to be used
full control of what the house will look like (ultimate enjoyment)
"near" Gran's house
near Ti Diling's
the lot is bigger than the ones from Carenville(sp?)
Cons:
don't like the location (there's a farm-like body of land very near us)
neighbors are too close
kinda far from my friends
far from school
Conclusion: Since the lot area is bigger and I will have full control on the floor plans and materials, I'd say I could consider and forget about the crappy location.



Unfortunately, until I'll know of the result from my CT stonogram, I don't know when Mom would decide to build the house. Tita Risma and a cousin might come to visit next year and Gran might not last for long so I would really want the house to be built. I absolutely hate being a burden even thought they don't think I'm being a burden-- which makes me feel even more crappy about myself! This kidney stone should've waited one more year but nooo, it had to get stuck right when we might finally have a real property, I'm busy with school, and I'm having personal problems! Arrgh...

Labels: family, random, school

I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

mood: a bit tired
listening to: Fade Into You - Mazzy Far

It's been a heck of a long while since I last put up an entry. A lot also happened but I was too lazy to blog it, sorry. I'm gonna rant now. You have been warned. Here we go [without pictures yet]:


ON THE EARTHQUAKE RUMOR SPREAD...You'll find it amusing enough that I actually took it seriously. I'm the type of person who often gives the benefit of the doubt and believe in people despite others' mistrust. Maybe it's because I don't like to regret on not believing on people. Maybe it's because I was engrossed with what happened in the Bible, no one believed in Jesus and well, we know what happened with that. Maybe it's also because I could sympathize with those people since I myself had been put in that situation back then. Or maybe I'm still too gullible for my own good.

It seriously pisses me off that a particular group of people (family members pa un ha) didn't believe me. As if I did something that could make them distrust me. I am too honest and trusting, my conscience level is too high, and I am not a risktaker-- which is why when I purposely tell a lie as a joke, it doesn't go through the end of the day without my confession (a week at the most on rare occassions). Also, usually even if I am not the one who did a mistake, I would still somehow feel guilt so I am usually the one trying to patch things up. Yeah, sometimes I dislike myself for being that... stupid and forgiving. But well, it's better than being too anxious.

Better me than them, right?

So I went to sis Chamie to crash there for the night. We prayed, I panicked a little but thank goodness nothing happened. I felt a bit like an idiot but I didn't regret about being "prepared". It's better than regretting.

Damn chain letter.


ON OUR THESIS TITLE DEFENSE...Kuya Norman, Ellen, May and I had our title defense. I wasn't as much as nervous of that as with the earthquake rumor so.. Haha. It went well. Some areas are changed and/or altered for the better. =)


ON OUR RECOLLECTION...We went to Sisters of Mary. The place looks nothing like it's built on donations. I swear it even looked better than, well, other private schools. [insert random gasps here] Food wasn't so great though. The chapel was beautiful. (If only taking pictures are allowed in that chapel.) During confession, May, Len, and I were the last ones and I think the time of the mass caught with us so the priest made our session very brief. I only got to confess one sin while I was planning to confess around three. Ah well, there would be other times. I still can't receive the holy bread till that next time. *sigh*
[pictures later]


ON OUR PRELIM EXAMS AND GRADES...I am generally not satisfied with my prelim scores and my overall grades. I've been depressed for like a week. I am so disappointed with myself. This is the result of being used to having high grades. I feel like I'm losing my identity-- seriously. As it turned out, I guess I still couldn't pull away from my nerd side. Damn it, I am so upset. Why can't I memorize as good as before?! Is it anxiety? Is there something wrong with my hippocampus?! Is it some kind of chemical imbalance?! *screams in frustration* I need to knooow!


ON ELECTRONICS PROBLEMS...I found out that the lens of my Aowa dvd player is broken. So that's why it couldn't read cds. It would cost me P1200 for the lens plus P400 for labor. They suggested to buy a new one for P1500. I thought so too. I miss watching dvds. I rarely use the television nowadays. When I get a new one I'll probably watch Gilmore Girls marathon. I miss that so much.

My mobile's experiencing some technical difficulties recently too. Sometimes it would freeze on me. There are also those times when it would turn off suddenly and then the words "Insert SIM Card" would flash on screen. Freaks me out big time. My mobile is too important to me. All the numbers I need are in there. I don't keep a written record anymore. (I did have a typewritten document but it's not updated so.. it's almost useless.) I have more than 750 numbers there. *sigh* It also acts as my calendar and my alarm clock. I'd be lost without it. But it seems as though it can't handle those responsibilities any longer. *sigh* I did say in the past that I'll keep using it till it passes it's 3 year anniversary and it's been over 3 years now.. like it heard me or something. Ah well, I won't replace Sam. I'll just buy a new cellphone and use Sam once in a while. Besides, the pictures and other memoirs are still there so.. you know, sentimental value. I won't swap it or give it to anyone (not like someone would want a beat up, scratched, defective, old mobile anyway).

Now I just need to find a second-hand mobile somewhere I could afford and give it a proper name. I prefer a Nokia one since it's user-friendly and it has a group message feature. Manual group messaging is a big pain on the fingertips, not to mention time consuming.


... Perhaps I should follow this format when I don't blog much. Till next big update again!

Labels: family, random, school, tech

I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

mood: sad
listening to: Desperately by Michelle Branch

I saw the person I've been missing so much today. (At first I looked at him like I'm in a trance or somethin' then I asked May and Len, "Hey, is he who I think he is?" ROFL Yeah I'm a dork.. a myopic dork..) He looks fine and happy. It's quite sad that my predictions became true. (Most of my predictions come true, I swear.) In high school, we're so close. Now it's like "see ya when I see ya". *sigh* Well, that's one of the big sacrifices I made in the past.

It somehow makes me ponder about my decisions back then [again]. He asked more than 3 times.. I declined all those times. I didn't trust him enough. I didn't trust him because I wanted him to make sure that he's really over her. I'm not the type of girl who'd want to be for rebound. [Hell no.] But somehow.. Somehow.. I suppose I do regret a lot of things in the past. I was too defensive. I was too.. innocent. I was a neophyte when it comes to relationships. My defense mechanisms and fears held my decisions. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, I mean, they're called defense mechanisms for a reason, you know?

But still..

Maybe I should've been more stubborn.

Something 'bout the way you looked at me
Made me think for a moment
That maybe we were meant to be
Living our lives seperately
And it's strange that things change
But not me wanting you
So desperately

I wonder.. what could've happened if I said, "Yes." Will we be happy? Will we be together right now? Or will you eventually break it off with me anyway?

Perhaps these random thoughts occur for the mere fact that I miss him so terribly. I miss the things we do, the things we talk about, all those of what we share.. memories.. experiences.. *sigh* Mag-senti ka ba, Mia?

It was noon today that sis Chamie gave me a missed call on my mobile. I was getting ready for school. I thought she needs to talk to me or something. I called her. She simply said, "Wala lang. Naisip lang kita." She told me she's been looking at our memorabiliasss. I teased her, "Aba mag-senti ba?"

Yeah. Mas madalas ako mag-senti, Chamie. There's never a time that I stop thinking. Sometimes I wish to just stop. But then again, we know what that means. LOL I'm not ready to give in to insanity or death yet, thank you very much.

It's been like almost 4 years that we became friends. Hope it will last a lifetime. Yeah, friends. It would be great to have your first love as your friend for the rest of your life.

What am I saying, we are friends! Yeah. Friends. But not close friends anymore. Sad, isn't? Why did it became like this? *sigh* Like I'll always say, "Hayaan na lang. It was our decision naman din eh."

But still..

I do miss him terribly.

Perhaps there is.
Perhaps there isn't.
Perhaps it should've been.
Perhaps...
Perhaps...
For now, it's "perhaps".
We'll never know.

Note: Malakas ang loob ni Mia mag-post ng ganito kasi alam nyang hindi naman to nababasa. LOL

Labels: friendship, melancholy, school, song lyrics

I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".