Study Spanish in Switzerland?!
Saturday, October 03, 2009 @ 6:01 PM
mood: 
cheerful
listening to: Ride Of Your Life - John Gregory
Mom and Tita Risma called me from London. It's Tita Risma's last day there. I think it's a 4-day vacation. I would love to have that kind of life. To travel around places, visit family and friends from all over the world. Tita's lucky. She lives in Switzerland and whenever she feels like it, she could travel around Europe with Tito Peter and their dog, Tino. I miss them.
Speaking of Tino, a few days ago as I was looking through photos from my vacation in Switzerland and London, I found a really cute picture of him. I edited it and posted it on my plurk.
He's adorable.
Anyway, I miss Switzerland and London... terribly. I mean, whenever it's cool here [or cold] and I smell coffee, I'd think of the airports. Whenever I hear Beethoven, I think of Europe. When I see pastries, I'd think of Tito's baking. I want to go there again. I want to travel to Spain, France, Rome, Italy! I want to eat different kinds of food, visit picturesque places, buy souvenirs, go to orchestras, see different kinds of plants and flowers, inhale that fresh air! *pants*
There's a lot I'd do when I travel.
Going back to the phone call... After asking if I'm fine here, how's Lola doing, what color of boots do I like, et cetera, Tita Risma asked me if I'd like to study Spanish in Switzerland. I gaped. She said it would be great and that my cousin Kuya Rey could visit coz he's near the country. I was speechless. I mean, the plan was I'd study Spanish at Instituto Cervates de Manila right after I graduate!
After Tita Risma, Mom tried to convince me. I told her it'd be cheaper if I study in this country. Then she said, "You won't have any say in the matter if I command you to go," and laughed.
I can't believe this! If I have my way, I'd go there right now!
Alright, gotta weigh pros and cons about this. Since it's only gonna be for vacation, it means I won't have to like live there for more than 2 months. Also, I've been dreaming of going around Europe after I graduate. (Well, if not Europe then it'd be Japan, Singapore, and Hong Kong.) Another note, I'll get to hang-out with my cousin whom I haven't seen in a decade! I miss him! He'll struggle speaking in Tagalog, have an accent when speaking in English, and I'd struggle picking words that he could understand in English! It'd be great!
I could also ask him to play the drums... and perhaps teach me some notes. Then I'd have my catharsis. Just kidding.
I guess there are only a few things that Imight worry about. I mean, if I get like a job offer after I graduate, it'd be like a loss if I don't take it. But then again... there will be other offers [hopefully] in the future.
Aside from that, years ago I planned that if ever I'd travel to those places mentioned earlier, I'd have a good DSLR, laptop, and a camcorder.
DSLR - because I love photography
Laptop - so that when I get bored of reading and tire of looking at nature, I could go OL or perhaps edit pretty pics
Camcorder - to record my experience, post vids on youtube, burn them to DVDs so that my family will get to watch me and how my vacation went, etc
All those things are seriously far from my grasp at the moment. I have no savings and even if I start now, I won't have enough. I'd rather not ask Mom for those. I remember she offered to buy me a laptop 2 years ago. I declined. I told her Peter, my 9-yr-old pc, is still working well. (It gets some problems once in a while, but it's ok. I still have enough patience for it, really.) She said it's a necessity and that Peter needs to be replaced. "Replaced", sure, but I won't sell it or give it away. He's too precious to me. For less than a decade, he's helped me cope with my loneliness and witnessed my growth. But I was stubborn so... I declined. I have a good feeling she'll buy it for me as like a graduation gift.
Unfortunately, the time when I desperately need a portable computer is now so that I won't have to go home just to edit stuff or get a document that I forgot. Other than that, I really need a bigger HD. Peter's is only 20GB. That means I get to use like 19GB or so. Yeah, it's unbelievable. I can't just find an internal HD that could match him right away coz he's an old model. Max, my Maxtor 160GB EHD got corrupted recently. I freakin' lost 18GB of back-up files. I was so disappointed. Once upon a day, I plugged it to Peter and found no files in it. I almost went hysterical. Now I'm trying to choose which recover files program thing to download and try to rationalize whether or not I'd trust Max again.
Another reason: Mom and I began planning our future house and lot years ago. The lot's ours now. The house will be done in about 8 months or so. She'll be paying for it for a good amount of time. This trip could sabotage the budget. *sigh* But then again, she won't offer if she knows she can't handle it. Hmmm... Hmmm...
Now that I think about it, this might be a trick to lure me into living in Europe. Everyone kept telling me how great it would be if I live and work there. Yeah, it would be cool but... I don't know if I'm ready for that big a step. I always think of Europe as "great-for-vacation-only" for me. It's like... I couldn't stay for a long time there. I wouldn't like that and... I have to let go of my lifestyle. Concerning my friends, well, there would be the phone and the internet but... aside from those being part of the bills I'll have to handle, it's not as good as actually talking to them face to face.
I know I'm being pessimistic. I really just don't want to get my hopes up. I don't like those times when I'm so happy and then later on, something will go wrong. I shouldn't get my hopes up. I shouldn't.
Ok, enough of my *cough*issues*cough*. I'm getting waaay ahead of myself again.
Even if it's like a trick, I think it's a good idea. The fact that it will only be for vacation means in my passport, it will be stated as that. They cannot make me stay. It will be up to me to decide whether or not I'd consider working and living there.
Well how about that? Trip to Singapore cancelled. I wonder how this will go.
Suddenly there's another thing for me to look forward to... just when I'm feeling really down lately. Thank you, dear God.
I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".
cheerfullistening to: Ride Of Your Life - John Gregory
Mom and Tita Risma called me from London. It's Tita Risma's last day there. I think it's a 4-day vacation. I would love to have that kind of life. To travel around places, visit family and friends from all over the world. Tita's lucky. She lives in Switzerland and whenever she feels like it, she could travel around Europe with Tito Peter and their dog, Tino. I miss them.
Speaking of Tino, a few days ago as I was looking through photos from my vacation in Switzerland and London, I found a really cute picture of him. I edited it and posted it on my plurk.
He's adorable.
Anyway, I miss Switzerland and London... terribly. I mean, whenever it's cool here [or cold] and I smell coffee, I'd think of the airports. Whenever I hear Beethoven, I think of Europe. When I see pastries, I'd think of Tito's baking. I want to go there again. I want to travel to Spain, France, Rome, Italy! I want to eat different kinds of food, visit picturesque places, buy souvenirs, go to orchestras, see different kinds of plants and flowers, inhale that fresh air! *pants*
There's a lot I'd do when I travel.
Going back to the phone call... After asking if I'm fine here, how's Lola doing, what color of boots do I like, et cetera, Tita Risma asked me if I'd like to study Spanish in Switzerland. I gaped. She said it would be great and that my cousin Kuya Rey could visit coz he's near the country. I was speechless. I mean, the plan was I'd study Spanish at Instituto Cervates de Manila right after I graduate!
After Tita Risma, Mom tried to convince me. I told her it'd be cheaper if I study in this country. Then she said, "You won't have any say in the matter if I command you to go," and laughed.
I can't believe this! If I have my way, I'd go there right now!
Alright, gotta weigh pros and cons about this. Since it's only gonna be for vacation, it means I won't have to like live there for more than 2 months. Also, I've been dreaming of going around Europe after I graduate. (Well, if not Europe then it'd be Japan, Singapore, and Hong Kong.) Another note, I'll get to hang-out with my cousin whom I haven't seen in a decade! I miss him! He'll struggle speaking in Tagalog, have an accent when speaking in English, and I'd struggle picking words that he could understand in English! It'd be great!
I could also ask him to play the drums... and perhaps teach me some notes. Then I'd have my catharsis. Just kidding.
I guess there are only a few things that I
Aside from that, years ago I planned that if ever I'd travel to those places mentioned earlier, I'd have a good DSLR, laptop, and a camcorder.
DSLR - because I love photography
Laptop - so that when I get bored of reading and tire of looking at nature, I could go OL or perhaps edit pretty pics
Camcorder - to record my experience, post vids on youtube, burn them to DVDs so that my family will get to watch me and how my vacation went, etc
All those things are seriously far from my grasp at the moment. I have no savings and even if I start now, I won't have enough. I'd rather not ask Mom for those. I remember she offered to buy me a laptop 2 years ago. I declined. I told her Peter, my 9-yr-old pc, is still working well. (It gets some problems once in a while, but it's ok. I still have enough patience for it, really.) She said it's a necessity and that Peter needs to be replaced. "Replaced", sure, but I won't sell it or give it away. He's too precious to me. For less than a decade, he's helped me cope with my loneliness and witnessed my growth. But I was stubborn so... I declined. I have a good feeling she'll buy it for me as like a graduation gift.
Unfortunately, the time when I desperately need a portable computer is now so that I won't have to go home just to edit stuff or get a document that I forgot. Other than that, I really need a bigger HD. Peter's is only 20GB. That means I get to use like 19GB or so. Yeah, it's unbelievable. I can't just find an internal HD that could match him right away coz he's an old model. Max, my Maxtor 160GB EHD got corrupted recently. I freakin' lost 18GB of back-up files. I was so disappointed. Once upon a day, I plugged it to Peter and found no files in it. I almost went hysterical. Now I'm trying to choose which recover files program thing to download and try to rationalize whether or not I'd trust Max again.
Another reason: Mom and I began planning our future house and lot years ago. The lot's ours now. The house will be done in about 8 months or so. She'll be paying for it for a good amount of time. This trip could sabotage the budget. *sigh* But then again, she won't offer if she knows she can't handle it. Hmmm... Hmmm...
Now that I think about it, this might be a trick to lure me into living in Europe. Everyone kept telling me how great it would be if I live and work there. Yeah, it would be cool but... I don't know if I'm ready for that big a step. I always think of Europe as "great-for-vacation-only" for me. It's like... I couldn't stay for a long time there. I wouldn't like that and... I have to let go of my lifestyle. Concerning my friends, well, there would be the phone and the internet but... aside from those being part of the bills I'll have to handle, it's not as good as actually talking to them face to face.
I know I'm being pessimistic. I really just don't want to get my hopes up. I don't like those times when I'm so happy and then later on, something will go wrong. I shouldn't get my hopes up. I shouldn't.
Ok, enough of my *cough*issues*cough*. I'm getting waaay ahead of myself again.
Even if it's like a trick, I think it's a good idea. The fact that it will only be for vacation means in my passport, it will be stated as that. They cannot make me stay. It will be up to me to decide whether or not I'd consider working and living there.
Well how about that? Trip to Singapore cancelled. I wonder how this will go.
Suddenly there's another thing for me to look forward to... just when I'm feeling really down lately. Thank you, dear God.
Wishin' on a shooting star
The dreams alone won't get you far
Can't deny your feelings anymore
The world is waitin' right outside your door
What are you waiting for?
In your heart you know what you must do
You've only got yourself to answer to
Don't let fear of falling hold you down
Your spirit's flyin high above the clouds
You're goin' there
C'mon, here's your chance
Dlet it slip right through your hands
Are you ready for the ride of your life?
Your dreams are riding on the wind
Just reach out and pull them in
Get ready for the ride of your life
I need to know "what is".
Success, Current Exhaustion, and Death
Thursday, October 09, 2008 @ 10:25 AM
mood: 
exhausted
listening to: none
We have our finals this week. Sem break's next week. It's not much of a short vacation since there would be the checking of clearance, getting class cards, and then the enrolment, of which was changed so my friends and I have to register in groups or else we won't be in the same classes. The good thing is with this, we get to be with the other courses (for our minor subjects). It won't be that much boring anymore.
***
I'm exhausted. My whole body is craving for sleep and relaxation. It's hard being a person with OCD, but I can't help it.
***
The magazine we did was great! Hard work payed off. 2-3 days of only around 4-5 hours of sleep. Yes, I still manage to function. I surprise myself.
***
The best thing that happened recently: My lola's caretaker became mine too. Now, I wake up with food downstairs, the smell of clean when I get back from school, clean furniture so no more potential allergy attacks or cringing when I see a layer of dust, and I get to talk to someone during the day. Things are looking up. I still miss my mom.
My past caretaker didn't do very well.. yet again. There's been four and kanya-kanyang kapalpakan. With Ti Diling, I know I'm in good hands. She's been with my family for as long as I can remember. She cleans thoroughly, washes clothes well, cooks good food, and she has a good heart. I'm glad to have her here.
The worst thing that happened recently: One of my uncles died-- Tito Racquel, the second one on my mother's side. In my life, I've only seen him like twice or so, and that doesn't include pictures. The only picture of him that I saw was when he was like 5y.o. or something so that doesn't count. From that, you could conclude that I hardly knew him but I heard a lot of err.. not pleasant things about him. Unfortunately for him, he was the only "unsuccessful" sibling. I don't know what happened for him to throw his life away at an early age. He died from a bunch of sickness from drinking and smoking too much. I'm not sure but probably did drugs too, which makes me wonder where he gets the money for that, right? He probably has err.. ways.. or "jobs". Ok, I'm not going to dive to that.
So yeah... The siblings decided they would pitch in with the coffin and the funeral. I must say, this is like the first time someone so close to me died. By "close", I meant in blood relation. He died before Grandma. It's almost scary. But then again, he wasn't healthy. I'm expecting my cousins to contact me and ask me to come to the funeral. I haven't thought of it yet until right this moment. I'm sorry to say, but I don't like I'd like to go there. I'm not good with funerals or any family gathering for that matter. It would be boring and I'll be staring into space. (They'll probably make me take away my mobile in case I'm in desperate need to text anyone to save me.) But then again, I do have my conscience, boy do I really. So I'll probably end up going anyway. It would be one night and I suppose, I should say goodbye to him (and I don't like the idea of being haunted just coz I was absent).
***
We'll finish watching Awakenings later for our second film review. Robin Williams and Robert De Niro were great. What else is new?I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".
exhaustedlistening to: none
We have our finals this week. Sem break's next week. It's not much of a short vacation since there would be the checking of clearance, getting class cards, and then the enrolment, of which was changed so my friends and I have to register in groups or else we won't be in the same classes. The good thing is with this, we get to be with the other courses (for our minor subjects). It won't be that much boring anymore.
***
I'm exhausted. My whole body is craving for sleep and relaxation. It's hard being a person with OCD, but I can't help it.
***
The magazine we did was great! Hard work payed off. 2-3 days of only around 4-5 hours of sleep. Yes, I still manage to function. I surprise myself.
***
The best thing that happened recently: My lola's caretaker became mine too. Now, I wake up with food downstairs, the smell of clean when I get back from school, clean furniture so no more potential allergy attacks or cringing when I see a layer of dust, and I get to talk to someone during the day. Things are looking up. I still miss my mom.
My past caretaker didn't do very well.. yet again. There's been four and kanya-kanyang kapalpakan. With Ti Diling, I know I'm in good hands. She's been with my family for as long as I can remember. She cleans thoroughly, washes clothes well, cooks good food, and she has a good heart. I'm glad to have her here.
The worst thing that happened recently: One of my uncles died-- Tito Racquel, the second one on my mother's side. In my life, I've only seen him like twice or so, and that doesn't include pictures. The only picture of him that I saw was when he was like 5y.o. or something so that doesn't count. From that, you could conclude that I hardly knew him but I heard a lot of err.. not pleasant things about him. Unfortunately for him, he was the only "unsuccessful" sibling. I don't know what happened for him to throw his life away at an early age. He died from a bunch of sickness from drinking and smoking too much. I'm not sure but probably did drugs too, which makes me wonder where he gets the money for that, right? He probably has err.. ways.. or "jobs". Ok, I'm not going to dive to that.
So yeah... The siblings decided they would pitch in with the coffin and the funeral. I must say, this is like the first time someone so close to me died. By "close", I meant in blood relation. He died before Grandma. It's almost scary. But then again, he wasn't healthy. I'm expecting my cousins to contact me and ask me to come to the funeral. I haven't thought of it yet until right this moment. I'm sorry to say, but I don't like I'd like to go there. I'm not good with funerals or any family gathering for that matter. It would be boring and I'll be staring into space. (They'll probably make me take away my mobile in case I'm in desperate need to text anyone to save me.) But then again, I do have my conscience, boy do I really. So I'll probably end up going anyway. It would be one night and I suppose, I should say goodbye to him (and I don't like the idea of being haunted just coz I was absent).
***
We'll finish watching Awakenings later for our second film review. Robin Williams and Robert De Niro were great. What else is new?
Labels: family, random, school
I need to know "what is".
ER and HL update
Wednesday, September 24, 2008 @ 1:48 AM
mood: sleep deprived
listening to: none
Alright, since I've been neglecting my blog (and very sorry about that), I decided to put up a "quick" entry. Why quick again? Well, look at the time.
ON OUR EXPERIMENTAL RESEARCH (formerly thought of as THESIS)... We are going to have our defense next week. We are currently working on better sentence structures, grammar, and right choice of words. Computations were done, thanks to Kuya Norman. In the end, we made use of the T-test.
ON BUYING HOUSE AND LOT... Mom's decisions are constantly changing. She's trying to think of ways on how to accommodate Grandma's living situation, my floor plans (vision of our dream house), my health condition, as well as relative(s) who might come to visit next summer vacation:
1. She decided to buy a house and lot at Camella Homes (due to a good nudge from a friend). My friends and I checked it out.
Pros:
good location
good neighborhood
Cons:
too small
wood
some cracks on walls
etc.
[No offense to them-- this is a personal review after all. Every person has his/her preferences.]
Conclusion: Thanks, but we prefer a bigger (concrete) house.
2. She decided to buy a house and lot from Mr. Reyes (her engineer friend) at Carenville (not sure of spelling).
Pros:
She knows him so we trust him.
good location - in terms of being "near" relatives and friends
good neighborhood
concrete, stone ('nuf said)
bigger house, same price as in Camella Homes'
remodeling will be an easy negotiation
there's deep well
Cons:
bad location - in terms of civilization (AKA malls, offices, etc) are far, the nearest one would take around 45 minutes to get there
neighbor's house is too close (unless we pick the lot where there's no house on either side yet)
far from school
kitchens are still small
don't need 3 bathrooms and toilet (1 toilet downstairs, 1 toilet and bathroom upstairs, and 1 toilet and bathroom with bathtub in the master's bedroom upstairs)
the balcony is somewhat small
the master's bedroom AKA my future room is smaller than what i wanted
3. Mom decided to ask Mr. Reyes if we could remodel the house-- remove the bedroom and toilet downstairs to give way to a bigger kitchen. He said yes.
4. Mom and I decided to take off the balcony (since it's small anyway) and the bathroom and toilet, to give way to a bigger master's bedroom.
5. Mom and I decided to keep the balcony. (me = potential photoshoot location; mom = open-air relaxation spot for afternoon tea or midnight star gazing)
6. Mom decided to make Grandma live with us so that Grandma's "caregiver" Ti Diling will be able to take care of both of us, though I'm obviously very low maintenance. (They know her since before I was born, she also took care of me when I was small-- she's more of a mutual family-friend of ours.) It was a great idea from Mom coz it will be like killing two birds with one stone regarding grandma and my living situation.
The debate of whether or not we make Gran live with me was settled. It's fine with me but we all know that Gran will be so upset coz she loves her house too much and she can't bring her cats into the new house-- I'm allergic to cats (fortunately not to dogs). I reminded Mom about that but she said she talked to Gran and she agreed. Yeah, it was surprising. I told Mom that if Gran will have a dementia episode, it won't be pretty but Mom said that she'll probably forget about it once she calmed down. Good luck to Ti Diling for taking care of her. I'll be out of the house most of the time what with school, school activities and OJT so by the time I'll be home, Gran could be resting or sleeping by then.
7. Mom decided to keep the bedroom and toilet downstairs for Gran.
8. Due to my current health condition-- the possibility that there's a kidney stone stuck in my urinary tract again, Mom decided to put everything on hold. Major disappointment in my part.
9. Mom said she'll probably just "build" a house on a lot she bought from Mr. Reyes years ago in a location that I'm not very fond of.
Pros:
full control of house materials to be used
full control of what the house will look like (ultimate enjoyment)
"near" Gran's house
near Ti Diling's
the lot is bigger than the ones from Carenville(sp?)
Cons:
don't like the location (there's a farm-like body of land very near us)
neighbors are too close
kinda far from my friends
far from school
Conclusion: Since the lot area is bigger and I will have full control on the floor plans and materials, I'd say I could consider and forget about the crappy location.
Unfortunately, until I'll know of the result from my CT stonogram, I don't know when Mom would decide to build the house. Tita Risma and a cousin might come to visit next year and Gran might not last for long so I would really want the house to be built. I absolutely hate being a burden even thought they don't think I'm being a burden-- which makes me feel even more crappy about myself! This kidney stone should've waited one more year but nooo, it had to get stuck right when we might finally have a real property, I'm busy with school, and I'm having personal problems! Arrgh...I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".
sleep deprivedlistening to: none
Alright, since I've been neglecting my blog (and very sorry about that), I decided to put up a "quick" entry. Why quick again? Well, look at the time.
1. She decided to buy a house and lot at Camella Homes (due to a good nudge from a friend). My friends and I checked it out.
Pros:
good location
good neighborhood
Cons:
too small
wood
some cracks on walls
etc.
[No offense to them-- this is a personal review after all. Every person has his/her preferences.]
Conclusion: Thanks, but we prefer a bigger (concrete) house.
2. She decided to buy a house and lot from Mr. Reyes (her engineer friend) at Carenville (not sure of spelling).
Pros:
She knows him so we trust him.
good location - in terms of being "near" relatives and friends
good neighborhood
concrete, stone ('nuf said)
bigger house, same price as in Camella Homes'
remodeling will be an easy negotiation
there's deep well
Cons:
bad location - in terms of civilization (AKA malls, offices, etc) are far, the nearest one would take around 45 minutes to get there
neighbor's house is too close (unless we pick the lot where there's no house on either side yet)
far from school
kitchens are still small
don't need 3 bathrooms and toilet (1 toilet downstairs, 1 toilet and bathroom upstairs, and 1 toilet and bathroom with bathtub in the master's bedroom upstairs)
the balcony is somewhat small
the master's bedroom AKA my future room is smaller than what i wanted
3. Mom decided to ask Mr. Reyes if we could remodel the house-- remove the bedroom and toilet downstairs to give way to a bigger kitchen. He said yes.
4. Mom and I decided to take off the balcony (since it's small anyway) and the bathroom and toilet, to give way to a bigger master's bedroom.
5. Mom and I decided to keep the balcony. (me = potential photoshoot location; mom = open-air relaxation spot for afternoon tea or midnight star gazing)
6. Mom decided to make Grandma live with us so that Grandma's "caregiver" Ti Diling will be able to take care of both of us, though I'm obviously very low maintenance. (They know her since before I was born, she also took care of me when I was small-- she's more of a mutual family-friend of ours.) It was a great idea from Mom coz it will be like killing two birds with one stone regarding grandma and my living situation.
The debate of whether or not we make Gran live with me was settled. It's fine with me but we all know that Gran will be so upset coz she loves her house too much and she can't bring her cats into the new house-- I'm allergic to cats (fortunately not to dogs). I reminded Mom about that but she said she talked to Gran and she agreed. Yeah, it was surprising. I told Mom that if Gran will have a dementia episode, it won't be pretty but Mom said that she'll probably forget about it once she calmed down. Good luck to Ti Diling for taking care of her. I'll be out of the house most of the time what with school, school activities and OJT so by the time I'll be home, Gran could be resting or sleeping by then.
7. Mom decided to keep the bedroom and toilet downstairs for Gran.
8. Due to my current health condition-- the possibility that there's a kidney stone stuck in my urinary tract again, Mom decided to put everything on hold. Major disappointment in my part.
9. Mom said she'll probably just "build" a house on a lot she bought from Mr. Reyes years ago in a location that I'm not very fond of.
Pros:
full control of house materials to be used
full control of what the house will look like (ultimate enjoyment)
"near" Gran's house
near Ti Diling's
the lot is bigger than the ones from Carenville(sp?)
Cons:
don't like the location (there's a farm-like body of land very near us)
neighbors are too close
kinda far from my friends
far from school
Conclusion: Since the lot area is bigger and I will have full control on the floor plans and materials, I'd say I could consider and forget about the crappy location.
Unfortunately, until I'll know of the result from my CT stonogram, I don't know when Mom would decide to build the house. Tita Risma and a cousin might come to visit next year and Gran might not last for long so I would really want the house to be built. I absolutely hate being a burden even thought they don't think I'm being a burden-- which makes me feel even more crappy about myself! This kidney stone should've waited one more year but nooo, it had to get stuck right when we might finally have a real property, I'm busy with school, and I'm having personal problems! Arrgh...
Labels: family, random, school
I need to know "what is".
Big Update
Monday, August 04, 2008 @ 10:41 AM
mood: a bit tired
listening to: Fade Into You - Mazzy Far
It's been a heck of a long while since I last put up an entry. A lot also happened but I was too lazy to blog it, sorry. I'm gonna rant now. You have been warned. Here we go [without pictures yet]:
ON THE EARTHQUAKE RUMOR SPREAD... You'll find it amusing enough that I actually took it seriously. I'm the type of person who often gives the benefit of the doubt and believe in people despite others' mistrust. Maybe it's because I don't like to regret on not believing on people. Maybe it's because I was engrossed with what happened in the Bible, no one believed in Jesus and well, we know what happened with that. Maybe it's also because I could sympathize with those people since I myself had been put in that situation back then. Or maybe I'm still too gullible for my own good.
It seriously pisses me off that a particular group of people (family members pa un ha) didn't believe me. As if I did something that could make them distrust me. I am too honest and trusting, my conscience level is too high, and I am not a risktaker-- which is why when I purposely tell a lie as a joke, it doesn't go through the end of the day without my confession (a week at the most on rare occassions). Also, usually even if I am not the one who did a mistake, I would still somehow feel guilt so I am usually the one trying to patch things up. Yeah, sometimes I dislike myself for being that... stupid and forgiving. But well, it's better than being too anxious.
Better me than them, right?
So I went to sis Chamie to crash there for the night. We prayed, I panicked a little but thank goodness nothing happened. I felt a bit like an idiot but I didn't regret about being "prepared". It's better than regretting.
Damn chain letter.
ON OUR THESIS TITLE DEFENSE... Kuya Norman, Ellen, May and I had our title defense. I wasn't as much as nervous of that as with the earthquake rumor so.. Haha. It went well. Some areas are changed and/or altered for the better. =)
ON OUR RECOLLECTION... We went to Sisters of Mary. The place looks nothing like it's built on donations. I swear it even looked better than, well, other private schools. [insert random gasps here] Food wasn't so great though. The chapel was beautiful. (If only taking pictures are allowed in that chapel.) During confession, May, Len, and I were the last ones and I think the time of the mass caught with us so the priest made our session very brief. I only got to confess one sin while I was planning to confess around three. Ah well, there would be other times. I still can't receive the holy bread till that next time. *sigh*
[pictures later]
ON OUR PRELIM EXAMS AND GRADES... I am generally not satisfied with my prelim scores and my overall grades. I've been depressed for like a week. I am so disappointed with myself. This is the result of being used to having high grades. I feel like I'm losing my identity-- seriously. As it turned out, I guess I still couldn't pull away from my nerd side. Damn it, I am so upset. Why can't I memorize as good as before?! Is it anxiety? Is there something wrong with my hippocampus?! Is it some kind of chemical imbalance?! *screams in frustration* I need to knooow!
ON ELECTRONICS PROBLEMS... I found out that the lens of my Aowa dvd player is broken. So that's why it couldn't read cds. It would cost me P1200 for the lens plus P400 for labor. They suggested to buy a new one for P1500. I thought so too. I miss watching dvds. I rarely use the television nowadays. When I get a new one I'll probably watch Gilmore Girls marathon. I miss that so much.
My mobile's experiencing some technical difficulties recently too. Sometimes it would freeze on me. There are also those times when it would turn off suddenly and then the words "Insert SIM Card" would flash on screen. Freaks me out big time. My mobile is too important to me. All the numbers I need are in there. I don't keep a written record anymore. (I did have a typewritten document but it's not updated so.. it's almost useless.) I have more than 750 numbers there. *sigh* It also acts as my calendar and my alarm clock. I'd be lost without it. But it seems as though it can't handle those responsibilities any longer. *sigh* I did say in the past that I'll keep using it till it passes it's 3 year anniversary and it's been over 3 years now.. like it heard me or something. Ah well, I won't replace Sam. I'll just buy a new cellphone and use Sam once in a while. Besides, the pictures and other memoirs are still there so.. you know, sentimental value. I won't swap it or give it to anyone (not like someone would want a beat up, scratched, defective, old mobile anyway).
Now I just need to find a second-hand mobile somewhere I could afford and give it a proper name. I prefer a Nokia one since it's user-friendly and it has a group message feature. Manual group messaging is a big pain on the fingertips, not to mention time consuming.
... Perhaps I should follow this format when I don't blog much. Till next big update again!I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".
a bit tiredlistening to: Fade Into You - Mazzy Far
It's been a heck of a long while since I last put up an entry. A lot also happened but I was too lazy to blog it, sorry. I'm gonna rant now. You have been warned. Here we go [without pictures yet]:
It seriously pisses me off that a particular group of people (family members pa un ha) didn't believe me. As if I did something that could make them distrust me. I am too honest and trusting, my conscience level is too high, and I am not a risktaker-- which is why when I purposely tell a lie as a joke, it doesn't go through the end of the day without my confession (a week at the most on rare occassions). Also, usually even if I am not the one who did a mistake, I would still somehow feel guilt so I am usually the one trying to patch things up. Yeah, sometimes I dislike myself for being that... stupid and forgiving. But well, it's better than being too anxious.
Better me than them, right?
So I went to sis Chamie to crash there for the night. We prayed, I panicked a little but thank goodness nothing happened. I felt a bit like an idiot but I didn't regret about being "prepared". It's better than regretting.
Damn chain letter.
[pictures later]
My mobile's experiencing some technical difficulties recently too. Sometimes it would freeze on me. There are also those times when it would turn off suddenly and then the words "Insert SIM Card" would flash on screen. Freaks me out big time. My mobile is too important to me. All the numbers I need are in there. I don't keep a written record anymore. (I did have a typewritten document but it's not updated so.. it's almost useless.) I have more than 750 numbers there. *sigh* It also acts as my calendar and my alarm clock. I'd be lost without it. But it seems as though it can't handle those responsibilities any longer. *sigh* I did say in the past that I'll keep using it till it passes it's 3 year anniversary and it's been over 3 years now.. like it heard me or something. Ah well, I won't replace Sam. I'll just buy a new cellphone and use Sam once in a while. Besides, the pictures and other memoirs are still there so.. you know, sentimental value. I won't swap it or give it to anyone (not like someone would want a beat up, scratched, defective, old mobile anyway).
Now I just need to find a second-hand mobile somewhere I could afford and give it a proper name. I prefer a Nokia one since it's user-friendly and it has a group message feature. Manual group messaging is a big pain on the fingertips, not to mention time consuming.
... Perhaps I should follow this format when I don't blog much. Till next big update again!
Labels: family, random, school, tech
I need to know "what is".
Wishing For Numbness
Monday, June 30, 2008 @ 8:34 PM
I wish to become numb from everything.
I wish to be the master of repression.
Why did I grew up to be such a serious person? I worry a lot. I give importance to even the little, simple things. I try to be more laid-back.. but it's hard to adjust right away.
I'm tired and sick of everything. That's the truth. The entries here is of only those times when I feel slightly happy-- or at the very least, trying to look on the better side of life. (I generally call them distractions.) But really, the truth is.. ayoko na. There's this inevitable point in time when I'm really loosing myself with everything that's happening. Perhaps what keeps me going on is my Mom and God (the main ones, and of course, my friends). The latter because I fear Him. The first because I owe/love her that much.
*sigh*
Sawang-sawa na ako.
I don't wanna live this way.
"Neng, iilang beses lang talaga sa taon na nakikita/nararamdaman kitang masaya."
'I'm sorry, Mom. I have to put my cold, almost apathetic front when I'm talking with you. I wouldn't want you to worry about me. I also don't want to seem as if I'm happy without you (God knows I'm not). I know you've been suffering for so long too. You of all people deserve to be happy. I could say I'm like the luckiest daughter in the world for having you as my mom. And so I'd rather suffer alone. I'd never admit to you the level of misery I feel every damn day...'
Maybe autistic people are lucky after all.
Sis Chamie, I miss you. I look forward to our plans on Saturday. I desperately need your company. It's been so long since we've talked.
May, Len, Kuya Norman, Ate She, and others, thanks for your support and company in school. I cherish every moment I spend with you guys. I really do. You guys.. and the sessions with Mrs. Barron.. are generally the reasons why I'd still want to go to school even though I always feel like I'd like to stop any time soon. I sound utterly pathetic, don't I?
I'd like to just sleep this but.. I still have homework, dinner to do, and reports/research waiting for me. This frail body might not handle the stress any longer.. But I hope.. that if it would happen-- that my body will eventually surrender-- I hope.. my mind won't.
I'm pathetic and ashamed of it.
My whole being hurts.I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".
I wish to be the master of repression.
Why did I grew up to be such a serious person? I worry a lot. I give importance to even the little, simple things. I try to be more laid-back.. but it's hard to adjust right away.
I'm tired and sick of everything. That's the truth. The entries here is of only those times when I feel slightly happy-- or at the very least, trying to look on the better side of life. (I generally call them distractions.) But really, the truth is.. ayoko na. There's this inevitable point in time when I'm really loosing myself with everything that's happening. Perhaps what keeps me going on is my Mom and God (the main ones, and of course, my friends). The latter because I fear Him. The first because I owe/love her that much.
*sigh*
Sawang-sawa na ako.
I don't wanna live this way.
"Neng, iilang beses lang talaga sa taon na nakikita/nararamdaman kitang masaya."
'I'm sorry, Mom. I have to put my cold, almost apathetic front when I'm talking with you. I wouldn't want you to worry about me. I also don't want to seem as if I'm happy without you (God knows I'm not). I know you've been suffering for so long too. You of all people deserve to be happy. I could say I'm like the luckiest daughter in the world for having you as my mom. And so I'd rather suffer alone. I'd never admit to you the level of misery I feel every damn day...'
Maybe autistic people are lucky after all.
Sis Chamie, I miss you. I look forward to our plans on Saturday. I desperately need your company. It's been so long since we've talked.
May, Len, Kuya Norman, Ate She, and others, thanks for your support and company in school. I cherish every moment I spend with you guys. I really do. You guys.. and the sessions with Mrs. Barron.. are generally the reasons why I'd still want to go to school even though I always feel like I'd like to stop any time soon. I sound utterly pathetic, don't I?
And YOU...
You said you'll make me happy.
You said you won't leave me.
Where are you when I needed you the most?
If I only listened to my fears before,
maybe I wouldn't be in this fatal situation.
And yet..
And yet..
I remain stupid.
Even if we take the stupid off.
It's still [almost] the same..
the fact that "I remain."
I'd like to just sleep this but.. I still have homework, dinner to do, and reports/research waiting for me. This frail body might not handle the stress any longer.. But I hope.. that if it would happen-- that my body will eventually surrender-- I hope.. my mind won't.
I'm pathetic and ashamed of it.
My whole being hurts.
Labels: family, friendship, melancholy, school
I need to know "what is".
Leaving on a Jet Plane
Sunday, March 30, 2008 @ 7:34 PM
mood: 
upset
listening to: Pathetique - Beethoven
I've been saying this since last night to sis Chamie (she's staying over) and I'm gonna say it again: "I still can't believe I'm really going away tomorrow!" I'm excited and worried at the same time. It's been exactly like 5 years since my last flight to another country. I was with my mom back then so I didn't worry much about going around the airport but this time I'm all on my own.
I just got off the phone with my mom and we had an argument. Whenever something doesn't go according to plan, she goes panic-striken. I had been aware that most people in my family have this A-type personality but over my observation for the past couple of years, my mom and her siblings seem to be getting "worse". Don't get me wrong, I love them and their perfectionism works on the positive side too but sometimes there are just those times when the pressure gets to me, you know? I know I kinda have that sort of personality too but at least I'm not in danger of heart attacks, high/low blood pressures and what-nots... yet. Most of the time, I just wish they become calmer individuals. They really, really worry me especially since they're so far away.
In regards of how I handle my emotions and ordeals, when I'm with impatient people, I become this calm person who delivers soothing words of wisdom, but when I'm with a calm and patient person, I become the opposite. It's like I balance out the emotions running along the situation. That sounds pretty stupid to me because I would argue the fact that a person must be patient regardless of what type of person/people [s]he is with and in any type of situation, right? (I always say, "Patience is a virtue.") But I guess people nowadays are really problematic to the point that they could care less about being calm and patient. *shrugs* That and because no two people are alike, and it's not like I could force people to change just coz I don't like panic-striken, neurotic tendencies. But anyway, going back to what I said, yeah I kinda have that type of personality too but I control my emotions once I become aware that I am starting to have nervous attacks.
So yeah, I'm from the family of worry-warts. Sad to say, I might become more like them in the future but(!) since I am already conscious of that expectation, I shall try to fight it... somehow. I am a psychology major after all. Oh and another thing: I'll spill [some] beans here. One of the reasons why I took psychology is to "help" and understand more about my family members' neurotic tendencies and other fields of their behavior. In addition to that, perhaps I could even make some research or theories out of my tests and observations of them.I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".
upsetlistening to: Pathetique - Beethoven
I've been saying this since last night to sis Chamie (she's staying over) and I'm gonna say it again: "I still can't believe I'm really going away tomorrow!" I'm excited and worried at the same time. It's been exactly like 5 years since my last flight to another country. I was with my mom back then so I didn't worry much about going around the airport but this time I'm all on my own.
My schedule:
12:00am - wake up and get ready
04:00am - travel to the airport
08:20am - departure from Manila
11:50am - arrival to Singapore (connecting flight)
12:45pm - departure from Singapore
19:10pm - arrival at London [Heathrow]
I just got off the phone with my mom and we had an argument. Whenever something doesn't go according to plan, she goes panic-striken. I had been aware that most people in my family have this A-type personality but over my observation for the past couple of years, my mom and her siblings seem to be getting "worse". Don't get me wrong, I love them and their perfectionism works on the positive side too but sometimes there are just those times when the pressure gets to me, you know? I know I kinda have that sort of personality too but at least I'm not in danger of heart attacks, high/low blood pressures and what-nots... yet. Most of the time, I just wish they become calmer individuals. They really, really worry me especially since they're so far away.
In regards of how I handle my emotions and ordeals, when I'm with impatient people, I become this calm person who delivers soothing words of wisdom, but when I'm with a calm and patient person, I become the opposite. It's like I balance out the emotions running along the situation. That sounds pretty stupid to me because I would argue the fact that a person must be patient regardless of what type of person/people [s]he is with and in any type of situation, right? (I always say, "Patience is a virtue.") But I guess people nowadays are really problematic to the point that they could care less about being calm and patient. *shrugs* That and because no two people are alike, and it's not like I could force people to change just coz I don't like panic-striken, neurotic tendencies. But anyway, going back to what I said, yeah I kinda have that type of personality too but I control my emotions once I become aware that I am starting to have nervous attacks.
So yeah, I'm from the family of worry-warts. Sad to say, I might become more like them in the future but(!) since I am already conscious of that expectation, I shall try to fight it... somehow. I am a psychology major after all. Oh and another thing: I'll spill [some] beans here. One of the reasons why I took psychology is to "help" and understand more about my family members' neurotic tendencies and other fields of their behavior. In addition to that, perhaps I could even make some research or theories out of my tests and observations of them.
Labels: family, psychology, schedule, travel
I need to know "what is".
