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Sucked Energy
Friday, January 22, 2010 @ 6:39 PM

state: pensive
listening to: Replay by IYAZ

Schoolwork and my expectations for myself is draining the life outta me.
I don't dare to go near any weighing scale, not that I have one [coz I don't].
The very presence of it makes me sad.

I'm glad that we'll be graduating soon only because I'll be free from academic anxiety.
But really, the downside is... I'll miss my friends terribly.
You know you could live without your loved ones... but it's not the same as living with them.
(I was gonna type "but what's the point?" then I realized how... it brings to mind suicidal tendencies. As a psychology major, I must choose my words carefully. Then again, I always do. )

There's also no doubt I'll miss school life.

But then again, I'll be back on school for Spanish lessons at Cervantes.

So now I'll just hang on.
I almost resemble a zombie and my clothes don't fit me [again] anymore.
But come vacation and I'll transform.

I'll transform.

Labels: , ,

I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

=_= . . . o_o . . . =_= . . . =_="
Monday, November 09, 2009 @ 9:48 PM

mood: cheerful
listening to: Hit In The USA by Beat Crusaders

We finally put up Christmas decorations at the PsychLab.
I'm particularly cheerful about it.
I kept singing Christmas songs while working on the ribbons, the little Christmas tree, and the Christmas balls. XD

May, Ate Jonah, and I went to SM afterwards to chill.
Convo after eating sisig at SP:

"Mia, ayusin mo nga ang mga mata mo!"
"Anong ayusin?"
"Ang liit eh!"
"Kelan pa naging maliit ang mga mata ko? Saka pag ngumingiti ang tao, syempre lumiliit ang mata. Duh."
"Muka kang ewan. Eto o, tignan mo ung picture."
"Whoa. That's how I look like?"
"Kuhanan ko uli kayo."
"Cge."
"Mia! Ayusin mo nga ang mga mata mo!"
"Ano nanaman ba? Parang nahihirapan na tuloy ako ngumiti, chaka! Na-conscious ako. Ching!"
"Ano ka ba. Kulang lang sa tulog yang si Mia. Hahaha."
"Hehe! Para kasing ang lungkot ng mga mata mo!"
"Patingin ako. Ang weird. Kayo na nga na lang ang kukunan ko. It's not my photo-day today."
I was in the mood pa naman about taking photos.
I realized kasi na bihira kami ni Ate Jonah may kuha na kami lang.
Hmm... Hindi ako kulang sa tulog.
Hmmm... I wonder what's up with me.
What is this, biological mutation?
*dun dun duuun*
Haha.

Labels: ,

I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

I Miss You Everyday, Remember?
Thursday, July 10, 2008 @ 7:37 PM

mood: sad
listening to: Desperately by Michelle Branch

I saw the person I've been missing so much today. (At first I looked at him like I'm in a trance or somethin' then I asked May and Len, "Hey, is he who I think he is?" ROFL Yeah I'm a dork.. a myopic dork..) He looks fine and happy. It's quite sad that my predictions became true. (Most of my predictions come true, I swear.) In high school, we're so close. Now it's like "see ya when I see ya". *sigh* Well, that's one of the big sacrifices I made in the past.

It somehow makes me ponder about my decisions back then [again]. He asked more than 3 times.. I declined all those times. I didn't trust him enough. I didn't trust him because I wanted him to make sure that he's really over her. I'm not the type of girl who'd want to be for rebound. [Hell no.] But somehow.. Somehow.. I suppose I do regret a lot of things in the past. I was too defensive. I was too.. innocent. I was a neophyte when it comes to relationships. My defense mechanisms and fears held my decisions. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, I mean, they're called defense mechanisms for a reason, you know?

But still..

Maybe I should've been more stubborn.

Something 'bout the way you looked at me
Made me think for a moment
That maybe we were meant to be
Living our lives seperately
And it's strange that things change
But not me wanting you
So desperately
I wonder.. what could've happened if I said, "Yes." Will we be happy? Will we be together right now? Or will you eventually break it off with me anyway?

Perhaps these random thoughts occur for the mere fact that I miss him so terribly. I miss the things we do, the things we talk about, all those of what we share.. memories.. experiences.. *sigh* Mag-senti ka ba, Mia?

It was noon today that sis Chamie gave me a missed call on my mobile. I was getting ready for school. I thought she needs to talk to me or something. I called her. She simply said, "Wala lang. Naisip lang kita." She told me she's been looking at our memorabiliasss. I teased her, "Aba mag-senti ba?"

Yeah. Mas madalas ako mag-senti, Chamie. There's never a time that I stop thinking. Sometimes I wish to just stop. But then again, we know what that means. LOL I'm not ready to give in to insanity or death yet, thank you very much.

It's been like almost 4 years that we became friends. Hope it will last a lifetime. Yeah, friends. It would be great to have your first love as your friend for the rest of your life.

What am I saying, we are friends! Yeah. Friends. But not close friends anymore. Sad, isn't? Why did it became like this? *sigh* Like I'll always say, "Hayaan na lang. It was our decision naman din eh."

But still..

I do miss him terribly.

Perhaps there is.
Perhaps there isn't.
Perhaps it should've been.
Perhaps...
Perhaps...
For now, it's "perhaps".
We'll never know.

Note: Malakas ang loob ni Mia mag-post ng ganito kasi alam nyang hindi naman to nababasa. LOL

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I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

Acquaintance Success
Wednesday, July 02, 2008 @ 10:31 PM

mood: cheerful
listening to: Everything - Alanis Morissette

Our 2008 Acquaintance Party was fun! I really enjoyed it-- and I was surprised about that. I had this bad gut feeling yesterday afternoon that something "bad" will happen. As it turned out, May didn't get to join us coz of some problem at home. At least it wasn't something I could handle, thank goodness. Pero sayang pa rin di sya nakasama.

I've less than 100MB. You get what I mean. Pics will be up later. *sigh* I need more space!

Here's a vid tribute to my friends who know me.. my dimensions.. the good and bad points.. and still love me for simply being me. Sorry for being too neurotic sometimes, guys. Sorry if I worry you too much. I'll be fine. Enjoy my new fav song. =)

Note: I noticed the song in this video is the edited one.. but despite that, I put the orig lyrics at the bottom (not whole though). You'll notice I crossed-out the parts of the lyrics that doesn't depict me while I bolded the ones that hit me correctly. Haha.


Thanks for putting up with me through all these years.

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone
Who is as negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen and you've never met anyone
Who is as positive as I am sometimes

You see everything you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here


I blame everyone else & not my own partaking
My passive aggressive-ness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting and you've never met anyone
Who is as closed down as I am sometimes

What I resist persists and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love no matter how low or high I go

I am the funniest woman that you've ever known
I am the dullest woman that you've ever known
I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known and you've never met anyone
Who is as everything as I am sometimes

You see everything you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

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I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

Wishing For Numbness
Monday, June 30, 2008 @ 8:34 PM

I wish to become numb from everything.
I wish to be the master of repression.

Why did I grew up to be such a serious person? I worry a lot. I give importance to even the little, simple things. I try to be more laid-back.. but it's hard to adjust right away.

I'm tired and sick of everything. That's the truth. The entries here is of only those times when I feel slightly happy-- or at the very least, trying to look on the better side of life. (I generally call them distractions.) But really, the truth is.. ayoko na. There's this inevitable point in time when I'm really loosing myself with everything that's happening. Perhaps what keeps me going on is my Mom and God (the main ones, and of course, my friends). The latter because I fear Him. The first because I owe/love her that much.

*sigh*

Sawang-sawa na ako.
I don't wanna live this way.

"Neng, iilang beses lang talaga sa taon na nakikita/nararamdaman kitang masaya."

'I'm sorry, Mom. I have to put my cold, almost apathetic front when I'm talking with you. I wouldn't want you to worry about me. I also don't want to seem as if I'm happy without you (God knows I'm not). I know you've been suffering for so long too. You of all people deserve to be happy. I could say I'm like the luckiest daughter in the world for having you as my mom. And so I'd rather suffer alone. I'd never admit to you the level of misery I feel every damn day...'

Maybe autistic people are lucky after all.

Sis Chamie, I miss you. I look forward to our plans on Saturday. I desperately need your company. It's been so long since we've talked.

May, Len, Kuya Norman, Ate She, and others, thanks for your support and company in school. I cherish every moment I spend with you guys. I really do. You guys.. and the sessions with Mrs. Barron.. are generally the reasons why I'd still want to go to school even though I always feel like I'd like to stop any time soon. I sound utterly pathetic, don't I?

And YOU...
You said you'll make me happy.
You said you won't leave me.
Where are you when I needed you the most?
If I only listened to my fears before,
maybe I wouldn't be in this fatal situation.
And yet..
And yet..
I remain stupid.
Even if we take the stupid off.
It's still [almost] the same..
the fact that "I remain."

I'd like to just sleep this but.. I still have homework, dinner to do, and reports/research waiting for me. This frail body might not handle the stress any longer.. But I hope.. that if it would happen-- that my body will eventually surrender-- I hope.. my mind won't.

I'm pathetic and ashamed of it.

My whole being hurts.

Labels: , , ,

I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

Bye-bye When July Comes
Thursday, June 19, 2008 @ 8:30 PM

mood: a bit cheerful
listening to: Signal - KAT-TUN

We bumped into Raymond at school today. As it turns out, he's leaving (to America) around July. He's just getting his transcripts and stuff. It's good that I brought my camera. I took some shots when we ate out. I already uploaded them on my friendster account. When I tried to edit the others to put up here, unfortunately my scratch disks were full. So the only one I could upload at the moment is this:


That's odd, parang singkit ako dito.
I edited the lighting since it was kinda dark, despite the flash.. so yeah.
I'll put up others later.


Anyway, he said he'll continue college here in the Philippines. I asked when he's coming back and he said it will be about for 5 years or so. Yeah, it's so long. But he said we'll keep in touch in friendster. I told him that when he gets accustomed there, he'll forget about his friendster and will be addicted to MySpace haha.. Besides, here he rarely logs on his friendster account anyway. XD

So yeah.. with 2 years of friendship, I'd say.. So long, pal! We'll miss you! See you again in 5 years or so.. wherever part of the world we are. (Who knows where I'll be around that time? I'll probably be in London taking my Masters Degree and/or working my ass off haha..)

Oh yeah.. and you'll make Ate She miss you so much. XD

One last thing, check this out:

Amusing, isn't it? XD
Now I wonder what candy I'm gonna use. Bwahahah! *ahem*

Labels: , ,

I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

Reservations At Bookstores
Sunday, June 08, 2008 @ 10:06 PM

mood: quite excited
listening to: I Got You - Nikki Flores

You know what's the worst thing you hear when you're in a bookstore and eager to purchase a specific book? The words from the customer service sayin', "We ran out of stock and we don't know when our supplier will come." Add a cherry on top and you got this: "Also, there's no guarantee that the supplier will deliver the specified book[s]." Grr. So yeah, my ears have been accustomed to that recently [for almost a month]. BUT! Thanks to a text message from Marie, I finally got a copy of Eclipse. It's not the special edition though, but I'm glad all the same. (I can't complain; I already have it!) I've been waitin' for it. (Okay, okay, May and I have been waitin' for it.) So I finally got it-- forgot the exact date but it's this week. I was at school and it was near lunch time. I became spontaneous so I decided to just go to Robinsons in Imus in about a minute of thinking. Yes, yes, I do have my moments.

[Here's a note: There's something that pissed me off about that. They didn't even contact me when they got the books! It's like I left details and stuff about my reservation for nothin'! Wth! That's why I think it's better to annoy them than trust them. Call them every other day and ask for the book. It's their job to check it anyway. Besides, I've learned it this way. They won't contact you despite the reservation details. Argh!]

Though I've got the book already, I've decided not to read it till.. maybe August-- if I could resist that long, that is. LOL (I probably won't.) So why wait, you ask? Haha.. I just thought that maybe if there's something I'd be eager to do in between the release of Breaking Dawn (it's on August 2, I heard) and Twilight the movie, then it will be less dreadful on those months. Does that sound weird? Whatever. I'll test my patience. For now, I'll wait for Breaking Dawn.

Labels: , , ,

I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

That Crooked Smile Bella Loves
Sunday, May 11, 2008 @ 11:19 PM

mood: looove
listening to: none



I've been pretty addicted to the novel Twilight by Stephenie Meyer since my uncle bought the book for me when I was staying in Switzerland. (I could've bought the book way before that but it's always out of stock in the bookstores around here.) I've been interested about it for so long so when I read it, it's certainly very invigorating for me. LOL I suppose just like any girl who loves a mysterious and gorgeous guy, I somehow find myself falling in love with Edward Cullen. That and the fact that he's err.. inhuman. You see, it's been years since I'm trying to find a vampire romance novel that doesn't include too much umm how do I say this.. sexuality.. the morbid-ness (is that the correct term? .. morbidity?) amongst other things. Pardon me; I couldn't explain it in a more simple and blunt way. Anyway, I'm also not fond of those kinds of novels with middle-aged characters. No offense about that, really. I just enjoy reading characters that are close to my age range and even if I am getting older too fast (I'm turning 20 in August), I don't think I'd lose that interest in reading teen novels-- not that Twilight is only for teens coz it's not. Many adults and children read and enjoy it too, which proves just how appealing it is.
[Though thinking about it, Vampire Knight does come close to the kind of vampire romance/angst story I've been wanting. (I'm also heavily drawn to Zero so.. hehe) But still...]
So aside from liking Twilight coz the characters are teens, there's romance, sarcasm here and there (absolutely love the humor), and that character you can't help but love (*coughEdwardcough*), it also amazed me how Bella Swan is a lot like me. I swear. When I was reading the book (it's on Bella's POV), it's like reading something I've experienced/did/said or would have thought/done/said (sans the vampire encounters of course). It feels so great that I get to read a novel with a female character who is so much like me coz that way, I know I'm not the only one around who's *ahem* different. The result? Now, I'm officially addicted to it.

Chamie stayed with me for 3 days and 2 nights (sleep-over) starting the day after I came back home to the Philippines. I appreciate it since I really need someone around because my depressive tendencies were starting to slowly eat me again. So when I told her about Twilight, it seems she's interested in it too-- but she refuses to read the book ["That's the Twilight book? It's so thick!"]. She prefers to watch the movie. In our country, it opens in January 2009. Great. We get to live in suspence. I'm so excited that I watch the trailer and the video below over and over and over and over and ["Oh stop."] over and over again. LOL

Here's the other video with the scenes from the set of Twilight and some random interviews from the cast. Enjoy. =3

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I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

Last Entry For This Month
Monday, April 14, 2008 @ 9:35 AM

mood: nervous
listening to: Hold On - B*witched

Well, this would be my last entry for this month. As for the very few people who know of this blog (since I didn't want to tell it to some of my friends coz it's still underconstruction), I'll be on hiatus for a while. The "while" part being approximately less than a month. If you've read my earlier posts then you'll know what I mean.

To my friends who only found out about it through this blog or through word of mouth, I'd like to apologize for not telling you-- I have my reasons. I really don't want a lot of people to know about it and besides, once I get back with pasalubong, you'll know eventually and then it will be like I never left. I'd really like to surprise you guys. So there. That's 1/3 of my reasons. LOL

By the way, Ate Jonah tagged me so I have to put a list of 6 weird things about me. Since I couldn't do it right this moment, I'll do it once I get back. I promise. =)

I was feeling kind of lonely yesterday and my dream analysis book was accurate again. Some disappointments here and there. Sis Chamie didn't get to sleep-over coz her wisdom tooth somehow picked this [wrong] time to ache. (My wisdom tooth aches so bad recently too but that doesn't keep me from doing things. Oh well, people have their reasons so..) But she promised to tag along for my departure today so we're picking her up along the way to the airport.

I was supposed to do my last errands with May but with the time and way-of-communication conflict, I didn't get to see her. Darn. I miss you, May! We'll hang-out more next month, hopefully.

*sigh* Please pray for my safe flight. I'll be on the plane 8 times for this vacation trip. Yeah. Imagine how it is for me who hates plane-induced nausea. Ugh. Oh and right now, I feel so nervous,

For the second time, I'll miss you all. Take care always and God bless you.

One last thing: It's really raining outside! It's been a while since it rained! Is there a fox wedding somewhere or is this some kind of farewell gift from above? LOL

Labels: , ,

I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".