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Mourning Morning
Sunday, May 15, 2011 @ 12:18 PM

"Ngayon lang!" he said through his gritted teeth.

She shivered. The last thing he said that night echoed through her ears. It kept screaming in her mind. She could still feel the emotion behind it. She could still recall the intensity from each word, the intonation, the stress, the volume, and the pitch. It burned her chest more than her ears.

"I'm sorry," she managed to choke out.

After the grueling morning of guilt, her mind is now set to earning his forgiveness and making him feel better. If only it's better to reason with him, to tell him that he misinterpreted and generalized what she said-- that it's inaccurate-- a misunderstanding, but no. When one is still emotional and quite focused on a very sensitive issue, one's ear is shut. While one ear is shut close, the heart overthrows the mind.

She knows what she said was wrong. It also came out wrong and she should have thought that it would make him sensitive in the matter. However, she realized this after she said it. It is always wrong for the mouth to take action first when the heart is backing it up, while not consulting the mind first. She knows this. Still, it happened.

"Let me suffer, I'll take it. But please, let him realize that I still want to make this work and that I love him no less than I did before," she whispered to no one. "I always love him despite anything."

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I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".