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Physical & Emotional Exhaustion
Thursday, June 02, 2011 @ 10:54 PM

mood: oh you'll soon read about it below
listening to: silence

Here's my result from the Colorgenics test online:
At this time you are really feeling quite exhausted by all the conflict and quarrelling that is going on about you and you are looking for some sort of protection from this state of affairs. Ideally you are seeking a peaceful condition and a tranquil environment in which you can be afforded the chance to relax and recover.

For some time now you may have been subjected to considerable physical illness and or emotional distress. This may have taken a severe toll and you feel both physically and mentally worn out. Your self esteem has been reduced and you now need a peaceful environment which will permit you to effect full recovery.

You feel that you should be appreciated far more than you are but no-one seems to care! You feel that you are receiving less than your share and the main problem is that there is no-one to whom you can turn to for sympathy and understanding. The inner stress that you are experiencing makes you quick to take offence but you realise that at this particular moment in time there is little that you can do to relieve the situation.

All of the stress and strains resulting from disappointment have led to agitation and anxiety. You have been going out of your way to make a good impression, but you have reservations as to the likelihood of succeeding. You feel that you have a right to accomplish all that you set your mind on but you have become helpless and distressed when circumstances have gone against you. The idea of failure is most upsetting and this can even mean utter dejection. You see yourself as a scapegoat and you feel everyone in your sphere of influence has tried to take undue advantage of you. You are trying to convince yourself that your failure to achieve standing and recognition is not of your making but indeed of those around you.

You are moody and depressed at this time but it will pass. All of your hopes and dreams seem to have gone astray and you are fearful of planning further for the future. Disappointment at the non fulfilment of your hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted in considerable anxiety and you try to escape from this by withdrawing into yourself. But that is not the answer. You have the power to succeed, believe in yourself... all is possible to him who believe."

I suppose that pretty much sums up my current predicament nowadays.

I am thankful and grateful for the support of my mother, my boyfriend, my old friends, as well as my new friends. I am trying to cope with these emotional feelings, but I think what I need most is rest. Unfortunately though, it can't be done. I cannot have a full day of rest. I can't even manage a good night sleep. I can't even manage more than 5 hours of sleep.

Anyway, I am currently finishing my dinner (and typing this). I should proceed to printing stuff for work after this. I can't cry yet, but when I do, I bet it will feel great afterwards. Yeah.

I am hanging on.

Labels: , ,

I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

Plans For Physical Changes
Sunday, November 15, 2009 @ 8:01 PM

mood: a bit excited
listening to: none

I need stimulation.
I feel like I have to do something different.
I'm pretty excited about changing something about myself, well, physically.
Hair dye will have to wait-- after grad.
Henna on my [secret] and [secret] will also have to wait.

Piercing! I had plans like years ago [I think that was sophomore year] that I'd get a second set of ear piercing.
Just a stub on both ears.
But does that violate my body? I mean, "the body is like a temple", right? Is that a violation?
Make-up, as something that is applied and can be removed as easily, I think, is not so bad. A piercing, however, is like a permanent mark. Also, since it's intentional, will that double the "penalty"?

Then there are risks for allergies, infections, etc.

Great.
Now I feel like I should talk to a priest first or something.
I'm not that religious but if this will be the hindrance to Paradise then I'll be seriously pissed.
-_-"


*sigh* So I guess the only safe and convenient change for me is... nail polish.
for now
-_-"


I'm back to being just bored.

Labels: , ,

I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

Sleep-deprived+Exhausted+Irritated, si Daniel Radcliffe nakausap ni Mond!
Friday, April 17, 2009 @ 9:27 PM

mood:
listening to: none

6hrs of sleep in three days.
10hrs of sleep on the fourth day.
My body succumbed to exhaustion.
Neither caffeine nor sugar could save me from my sleepiness.
Irritation and anxiety is still evident.

Pero at least I'm almost always an hour early sa OJT.
I feel like I'm not myself.


*****


People usually misunderstood my irritations. They think that I'm mad at them.
Wanna know what's usually the reason?
The truth is... most of the time, I'm irritated at myself.
You see it's not all about you/them.
It's just... me.

Ugh. This is why I hate being sleep-deprived. Kung ano-ano ang naiisip ko.


*****


Mom's been here for 3 days now. Hindi pa kami nakakapagbonding. Kung hindi sya busy, ako naman ang wala. Nakakainis!

They made plans on going to Grandma's tomorrow. Mom just told me tonight. And I thought I'd finally have a weekend "day off" (coz on Sunday I'll have to go to the mall to buy a Theories of Personality book).


*****


I'll probably post something here about our OJT at Cavite Center For Mental Health later. I'm just not in the mood to write anything about it.


*****


I have to cheer myself up somehow... in any way possible.
I need some peace and quiet.
I locked myself up in my room this afternoon.
I sought refuge from plurk and my plurk pals.
I wonder if I would put my blog URL on my profile there.


*****

Here's a photo of the drawing I mentioned earlier on here on my blog:
I was going to draw a background of a prairie but...
I might have it photocopied and colored.


*****


Btw, si Mond nagtatrabaho na ngayon sa hotel. Nakita nya si Daniel Radcliffe at kinausap sya! Humingi daw ng ketchup. Walang fans kasi puro businessmen naandun. Mond, bakit hindi ka ngpa-autograph?! Miski pic sa mobile phone mo. One word: SAYANG.

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I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

Stupid Kidney Stone Frustration
Thursday, March 12, 2009 @ 8:09 PM

*sigh* I'm sick and tired of watching what I eat. Kung kelan may gana na akong kumain, ngayon pa ako bibigyan ng dietary list. Oh the irony.

Tita Risma and Grandma are staying here for a few days. I'm gonna stuff myself with crabs, lobsters, cheese, and whatever's in the refrigerator. I mean, I already have a stone. My future problem will be if it will get stuck through my urinary track again like last time. It's almost inevitable, so why have a diet now?

[Err maybe because if it grows too large, it will deliberately obstruct your kidney and you'll have a bigger operation to deal with! Geez!]

Am I a masochist?
Am I suicidal?

I don't know yet but I do know that I'm FRUSTRATED.

Labels: ,

I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

o_o
Wednesday, November 26, 2008 @ 5:38 AM

mood: slightly stressed
listening to: Black Cherry - Goldfrapp

i love my cap I haven't been blogging lately. A lot of things happened and I even forgot about the tags I'm supposed to answer months ago! I even have a new layout in mind but then I got unsatisfied with it.

Life's been busy with all sorts of things. Most of the time, I hardly get any sleep. In one of my classes last week, my eyes practically surrendered! It was shameful and embarassing for my part coz I hate the concept of dozing off in class as well as not having enough sleep. My dark circles are more visible than ever. Ugh. It's dreadful.

Anyway... (look at the time) I have 830 class today: Social Psychology. Thank goodness I have learned to wake up early. (I missed the first class of the semester coz I overslept despite having 3 alarm clocks-- that tends to happen to me.) So yeah.. If ever I have the time, have the space (to edit pics for the entry) or enough interest to blog, I will. This will be all for now.

Pics to put up:
Cosplay Con / Cosmania 2008
Hataw Hanep Hero Con 4
Lola's 81th bday party
This is the first cap I bought.. ever! =) I love it. (kinda big though)

Labels: , ,

I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

Stuck
Wednesday, October 01, 2008 @ 11:17 AM

mood: exhausted
listening to: Stuck - Stacie Orrico

I finally went to the doctor yesterday. The secretary from the Kidney Institute did not do as she promised-- she didn't deliver my CT Stonogram results to San Juan De Dyos(sp?) Hospital so my doctor had to call her from the KI. She had to go to the Xray department and get it then have it explained. Geez. My doctor got the basic gist of it.

It's confirmed. I have a stone again. Let's now go to the disadvantage and advantage.

The bad: Its existence and the fact that it could grow bigger or fall and get stuck in my urinary tract. By then, it's the same case all over again: stone gets stuck, not all urine will pass through, infections could occur, the lining might get wounded, I'll suffer very intense pains for hours or days, my kidney would swell, and in the darkest idea-- it will be very damaged. (not to say that it is already because of last time)

The good: It's not in my urinary tract [yet] so if it remains stuck there in a place where it won't be fatal for me, then it's fine leaving it there. No pain, no swollen kidney, no expensive ESWL, and most importantly-- Mom will get to buy the house.

My doctor said he'll still review the results because he needs to see where it is, its size, and if there's a possibility that it will fall and get stuck. Then he told me that I'll need occassional visits so that we'll know it it's getting bigger somehow.

Btw, I forgot to return the hospital ID so my old school ID was left there. I'm planning on getting it sometime... I only found out when we're miles away. My level of forgetfulness reached impossible.

I hate it.

***

I'm thinking of changing my blog skin.

***

I love the clothes at Terra Nova(sp?)!

***

*sigh* I'm hoping for a Rory-Dean situation post break-up thing. Yeah.. if only. But he's not like Dean.

My deams recently have such obvious meanings, mostly my wishes that I obviously can't have. Bummer.

***

Our defense is on Thursday, finals next week. Goodluck to us all.

***

I heard there's a storm near Manila. Ingat mga nasa byahe.

Labels: ,

I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

Swollen Side
Monday, September 15, 2008 @ 2:53 AM

mood: worried
listening to: my heartbeat

I can't sleep. My left kidney is bothering me again. It's been three days that I feel discomfort on my left side. At first, I didn't bother the subtle pain but now, well, it's obviously swollen. A stone is probably stuck again. I feel discomfort when sitting and lying (hence the could-not-sleep-yet stage). I want to calm down but I can't stop crying. I'm using this blog for catharsis since I know I can't call anyone at this time and I've no load.

I wouldn't want to bother anyone anyway so..

I've decided to wait for a week (to confirm if it's really a stone-- if I bleed or experience excrutiating pain) and then maybe get a CT-scan. I hate fasting. I could not go on an hour without eating something here at home.

My poor kidney...
I'm so sorry.

I know I don't blog as "frequent" as before; been really busy and tired lately: thesis, midterms, and other school activities (intrams, etc). But they're over (except the thesis.. or experimental research was it..).

I'll just pray it will somehow pass my urinary tract and out of my body so I don't need another operation, "wasting" money again for my weak, dysfunctional body. If my left kidney was 20-30% damaged then, I don't want it to be damaged that much this time-- the doctors might think of taking it out of my body. I know I will still have my right kidney but then if another freakin stone will.. God forbid.. *sigh* Yeah, I am depressed. Just when I thought things couldn't get more bleak-- it does.

I'm facing a familiar health dilemma.
I don't wanna miss classes again.
Sa darating na Oktubre-- isang taon na ang nakalipas.
I hate being alone at times like this.
It's so hard but there's nothing I could do.

Labels: ,

I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

More Than Just Painkillers
Wednesday, May 21, 2008 @ 1:45 PM

mood: really?
listening to: Billy S. - Skye Sweetnam

Look at an article I found:
Aspirin, the common painkiller already proven effective in reducing the risk of heart disease, may also help lower skin cancer risk according to Australian researchers.

A study of 273 people at the Queensland Institute of Medical Research found that regularly taking non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs like aspirin could increase protection against skin cancer and sunspots.

Lead researcher David Whiteman said there was a significant difference in people who used aspirin.

"We found that people who used aspirin or non-steroidal drugs regularly - and that is two or more times a week, for at least five years - had a 63 percent reduced risk of squamous cell cancers of the skin."

A smaller analysis found people who took aspirin eight or more times a week for at least a year had a 90 percent reduction in risk.

Aspirin was also found to decrease the number of sunspots.

Aspirin type drugs shut down an enzyme known as cyclo-oxygenase, which allows some types of skin cancer to develop.

Dr. Whiteman said while the trial offered hope for new strategies in the fight against skin cancer, it did not mean people should start buying aspirin and taking it on a daily basis.

"The way to prevent skin cancer ... is to avoid noonday sunlight, schedule your exposures to morning and afternoon, use hats and sunscreen and that's the way to prevent skin cancer."

Found it here.

Labels: ,

I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".