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Swollen Side
Monday, September 15, 2008 @ 2:53 AM

mood: worried
listening to: my heartbeat

I can't sleep. My left kidney is bothering me again. It's been three days that I feel discomfort on my left side. At first, I didn't bother the subtle pain but now, well, it's obviously swollen. A stone is probably stuck again. I feel discomfort when sitting and lying (hence the could-not-sleep-yet stage). I want to calm down but I can't stop crying. I'm using this blog for catharsis since I know I can't call anyone at this time and I've no load.

I wouldn't want to bother anyone anyway so..

I've decided to wait for a week (to confirm if it's really a stone-- if I bleed or experience excrutiating pain) and then maybe get a CT-scan. I hate fasting. I could not go on an hour without eating something here at home.

My poor kidney...
I'm so sorry.

I know I don't blog as "frequent" as before; been really busy and tired lately: thesis, midterms, and other school activities (intrams, etc). But they're over (except the thesis.. or experimental research was it..).

I'll just pray it will somehow pass my urinary tract and out of my body so I don't need another operation, "wasting" money again for my weak, dysfunctional body. If my left kidney was 20-30% damaged then, I don't want it to be damaged that much this time-- the doctors might think of taking it out of my body. I know I will still have my right kidney but then if another freakin stone will.. God forbid.. *sigh* Yeah, I am depressed. Just when I thought things couldn't get more bleak-- it does.

I'm facing a familiar health dilemma.
I don't wanna miss classes again.
Sa darating na Oktubre-- isang taon na ang nakalipas.
I hate being alone at times like this.
It's so hard but there's nothing I could do.

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I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

.