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Friday, October 24, 2008 @ 12:41 PM

mood: a bit cheerful
listening to: Kimi Dake O - Mi

I'm working on a new layout. Hopefully, it will be up tomorrow.
I hope matuloy kami ni sis Chamie today (sleep-over).

What we're playing to watch:
Bokura Ga Ita
Dragon Zakura
Nodame Cantabile
Tantei Gakuen Q
(not the jdrama.. I don't have the cd yet)
... but I'm sure we won't be able to watch them all.
Oh well. There would be next time, hopefully.
Yesterday I had the chance to talk with Kuya Raffy about the floor plans I made, the materials that we could possibly use, etc. He said there were great houses they made a while back in Quezon City and if I have time, we could go there for me to have ideas. In the coming monday, I'm going to talk to Engr. Reyes and get the floor plan of the other house ("peach")-- the one that Mom remembers, so that I could study it.

First day of "classes" will be on the coming Tuesday. Maybe.

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I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

3 P's
Sunday, October 19, 2008 @ 11:05 PM

mood: hanging in there
listening to: Forever To Me - The Brilliant Green

I was eating corn the other day and I remembered a scene from Cinderella (the animated film). It was the scene where there was this chubby mouse who was stocking up the corn kernels and it was too much for him. A lot fell and he didn't notice the cat advancing on him. He returned to get the other kernels that fell-- which he shouldn't have because it almost cost him his life.

I eyed the kernel I was holding.

Should human beings settle to just how much kernels they could hold?
Should human beings want more kernels?
Is it bad being an overachiever?
Is it bad to want more than what you already have?

Is greed that bad when your happiness is on the line? Only you could feel the emotions you feel anyway. It's not like other people would live your life for you, you know.


Life teaches us many things. Most are the opposites of each statement, like you should be contented on what you have but at the same time, you should aim higher-- that's how man make fantastic discoveries, fulfill dreams, and make use of innovation!

I say: Satisfy your hunger if it will make you happy and no one gets hurt or affected by it. No one should make your decisions for you. Discover things on your own. Not everything should be planned; be spontaneous. Stop and smell the roses. Enjoy being alive. You only have one life after all and life is too short.

I was cleaning my room yesterday and when I arranged my home clothes, I found this old top bought from Old Navy years ago. The print looked worn out but I hardly wore it back then. I'm wearing it right now coz I feel like it. =D


I finally got a tripod! I hope Nono (my Canon A720 IS) and my tripod (haven't got a name for it yet) will be the best of friends. =D A couple more years (probably 7 more) and I'll get my very own DSLR. I could salivate for it. I can't wait!

Hmm... I want different lenses now.


I stayed up till like 4am or so coz I couldn't sleep. My mind kept racing on floor plans, my dream kitchen (that we can't afford), and how I'm going to buy the modern-style furniture that I want for the living room. (The chairs! The chairs!) It must be hard being an architect who needs to take into consideration the house model budget, structure, and square meter limits. But I love being in charge of the interior design though. (I'm in charge of almost everything, really.)

Ah yes, to be young and inspired.

interior design
classical music
culinary arts
foreign language


The best part? I got a text message from Mom. She said she's so proud of me. Despite being... like this... I could still manage. Ate She on the phone told me that she's glad I'm hanging in here. Sis Chamie said she might sleep over next week.

I cried from joy, worry, and weariness.


We might enroll tomorrow. *sigh* The week went by so fast. I'll be buried with school work, depressed about my "low" grades, and be grateful that I learn very interesting and helpful things everyday again.

Second sem... GO!


Since I was around 15 or so, I have already imagined the perfect proposal and wedding. Now, I wonder if I'll ever have it.

If I do find (again) someone I'll love more than myself, someone who'll understand me, someone who'll be patient enough, someone who's loyal and encouraging, someone who's wholeheartedly willing to be with me and spend the rest of his remaining years of life with me because he's crazy about me (not obsessively crazy-- in love crazy) ... then I can say that... I could actually be.. very, very happy... the type of happy that I might imagine the birds singing to me in the morning... the type of happy that will hopefully stay for more than half a year..


I miss him.

My heart is crying out to you, yeah...
Forever to me...

It's been a while since I listened to The Brilliant Green.
I love their songs.


I'm going to change blog skin as soon as I figure out which one to choose. I want a really simple one now.


I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

Success, Current Exhaustion, and Death
Thursday, October 09, 2008 @ 10:25 AM

mood: exhausted
listening to: none

We have our finals this week. Sem break's next week. It's not much of a short vacation since there would be the checking of clearance, getting class cards, and then the enrolment, of which was changed so my friends and I have to register in groups or else we won't be in the same classes. The good thing is with this, we get to be with the other courses (for our minor subjects). It won't be that much boring anymore.


I'm exhausted. My whole body is craving for sleep and relaxation. It's hard being a person with OCD, but I can't help it.


The magazine we did was great! Hard work payed off. 2-3 days of only around 4-5 hours of sleep. Yes, I still manage to function. I surprise myself.


The best thing that happened recently: My lola's caretaker became mine too. Now, I wake up with food downstairs, the smell of clean when I get back from school, clean furniture so no more potential allergy attacks or cringing when I see a layer of dust, and I get to talk to someone during the day. Things are looking up. I still miss my mom.

My past caretaker didn't do very well.. yet again. There's been four and kanya-kanyang kapalpakan. With Ti Diling, I know I'm in good hands. She's been with my family for as long as I can remember. She cleans thoroughly, washes clothes well, cooks good food, and she has a good heart. I'm glad to have her here.

The worst thing that happened recently: One of my uncles died-- Tito Racquel, the second one on my mother's side. In my life, I've only seen him like twice or so, and that doesn't include pictures. The only picture of him that I saw was when he was like 5y.o. or something so that doesn't count. From that, you could conclude that I hardly knew him but I heard a lot of err.. not pleasant things about him. Unfortunately for him, he was the only "unsuccessful" sibling. I don't know what happened for him to throw his life away at an early age. He died from a bunch of sickness from drinking and smoking too much. I'm not sure but probably did drugs too, which makes me wonder where he gets the money for that, right? He probably has err.. ways.. or "jobs". Ok, I'm not going to dive to that.

So yeah... The siblings decided they would pitch in with the coffin and the funeral. I must say, this is like the first time someone so close to me died. By "close", I meant in blood relation. He died before Grandma. It's almost scary. But then again, he wasn't healthy. I'm expecting my cousins to contact me and ask me to come to the funeral. I haven't thought of it yet until right this moment. I'm sorry to say, but I don't like I'd like to go there. I'm not good with funerals or any family gathering for that matter. It would be boring and I'll be staring into space. (They'll probably make me take away my mobile in case I'm in desperate need to text anyone to save me.) But then again, I do have my conscience, boy do I really. So I'll probably end up going anyway. It would be one night and I suppose, I should say goodbye to him (and I don't like the idea of being haunted just coz I was absent).


We'll finish watching Awakenings later for our second film review. Robin Williams and Robert De Niro were great. What else is new?

Labels: , ,

I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

Wednesday, October 01, 2008 @ 11:17 AM

mood: exhausted
listening to: Stuck - Stacie Orrico

I finally went to the doctor yesterday. The secretary from the Kidney Institute did not do as she promised-- she didn't deliver my CT Stonogram results to San Juan De Dyos(sp?) Hospital so my doctor had to call her from the KI. She had to go to the Xray department and get it then have it explained. Geez. My doctor got the basic gist of it.

It's confirmed. I have a stone again. Let's now go to the disadvantage and advantage.

The bad: Its existence and the fact that it could grow bigger or fall and get stuck in my urinary tract. By then, it's the same case all over again: stone gets stuck, not all urine will pass through, infections could occur, the lining might get wounded, I'll suffer very intense pains for hours or days, my kidney would swell, and in the darkest idea-- it will be very damaged. (not to say that it is already because of last time)

The good: It's not in my urinary tract [yet] so if it remains stuck there in a place where it won't be fatal for me, then it's fine leaving it there. No pain, no swollen kidney, no expensive ESWL, and most importantly-- Mom will get to buy the house.

My doctor said he'll still review the results because he needs to see where it is, its size, and if there's a possibility that it will fall and get stuck. Then he told me that I'll need occassional visits so that we'll know it it's getting bigger somehow.

Btw, I forgot to return the hospital ID so my old school ID was left there. I'm planning on getting it sometime... I only found out when we're miles away. My level of forgetfulness reached impossible.

I hate it.


I'm thinking of changing my blog skin.


I love the clothes at Terra Nova(sp?)!


*sigh* I'm hoping for a Rory-Dean situation post break-up thing. Yeah.. if only. But he's not like Dean.

My deams recently have such obvious meanings, mostly my wishes that I obviously can't have. Bummer.


Our defense is on Thursday, finals next week. Goodluck to us all.


I heard there's a storm near Manila. Ingat mga nasa byahe.

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I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".