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ER and HL update
Wednesday, September 24, 2008 @ 1:48 AM

mood: sleep deprived
listening to: none

Alright, since I've been neglecting my blog (and very sorry about that), I decided to put up a "quick" entry. Why quick again? Well, look at the time.

ON OUR EXPERIMENTAL RESEARCH (formerly thought of as THESIS)...
We are going to have our defense next week. We are currently working on better sentence structures, grammar, and right choice of words. Computations were done, thanks to Kuya Norman. In the end, we made use of the T-test.

Mom's decisions are constantly changing. She's trying to think of ways on how to accommodate Grandma's living situation, my floor plans (vision of our dream house), my health condition, as well as relative(s) who might come to visit next summer vacation:
1. She decided to buy a house and lot at Camella Homes (due to a good nudge from a friend). My friends and I checked it out.

good location
good neighborhood
too small
some cracks on walls
[No offense to them-- this is a personal review after all. Every person has his/her preferences.]
Conclusion: Thanks, but we prefer a bigger (concrete) house.

2. She decided to buy a house and lot from Mr. Reyes (her engineer friend) at Carenville (not sure of spelling).

She knows him so we trust him.
good location - in terms of being "near" relatives and friends
good neighborhood
concrete, stone ('nuf said)
bigger house, same price as in Camella Homes'
remodeling will be an easy negotiation
there's deep well
bad location - in terms of civilization (AKA malls, offices, etc) are far, the nearest one would take around 45 minutes to get there
neighbor's house is too close (unless we pick the lot where there's no house on either side yet)
far from school
kitchens are still small
don't need 3 bathrooms and toilet (1 toilet downstairs, 1 toilet and bathroom upstairs, and 1 toilet and bathroom with bathtub in the master's bedroom upstairs)
the balcony is somewhat small
the master's bedroom AKA my future room is smaller than what i wanted

3. Mom decided to ask Mr. Reyes if we could remodel the house-- remove the bedroom and toilet downstairs to give way to a bigger kitchen. He said yes.

4. Mom and I decided to take off the balcony (since it's small anyway) and the bathroom and toilet, to give way to a bigger master's bedroom.

5. Mom and I decided to keep the balcony. (me = potential photoshoot location; mom = open-air relaxation spot for afternoon tea or midnight star gazing)

6. Mom decided to make Grandma live with us so that Grandma's "caregiver" Ti Diling will be able to take care of both of us, though I'm obviously very low maintenance. (They know her since before I was born, she also took care of me when I was small-- she's more of a mutual family-friend of ours.) It was a great idea from Mom coz it will be like killing two birds with one stone regarding grandma and my living situation.

The debate of whether or not we make Gran live with me was settled. It's fine with me but we all know that Gran will be so upset coz she loves her house too much and she can't bring her cats into the new house-- I'm allergic to cats (fortunately not to dogs). I reminded Mom about that but she said she talked to Gran and she agreed. Yeah, it was surprising. I told Mom that if Gran will have a dementia episode, it won't be pretty but Mom said that she'll probably forget about it once she calmed down. Good luck to Ti Diling for taking care of her. I'll be out of the house most of the time what with school, school activities and OJT so by the time I'll be home, Gran could be resting or sleeping by then.

7. Mom decided to keep the bedroom and toilet downstairs for Gran.

8. Due to my current health condition-- the possibility that there's a kidney stone stuck in my urinary tract again, Mom decided to put everything on hold. Major disappointment in my part.

9. Mom said she'll probably just "build" a house on a lot she bought from Mr. Reyes years ago in a location that I'm not very fond of.

full control of house materials to be used
full control of what the house will look like (ultimate enjoyment)
"near" Gran's house
near Ti Diling's
the lot is bigger than the ones from Carenville(sp?)
don't like the location (there's a farm-like body of land very near us)
neighbors are too close
kinda far from my friends
far from school
Conclusion: Since the lot area is bigger and I will have full control on the floor plans and materials, I'd say I could consider and forget about the crappy location.

Unfortunately, until I'll know of the result from my CT stonogram, I don't know when Mom would decide to build the house. Tita Risma and a cousin might come to visit next year and Gran might not last for long so I would really want the house to be built. I absolutely hate being a burden even thought they don't think I'm being a burden-- which makes me feel even more crappy about myself! This kidney stone should've waited one more year but nooo, it had to get stuck right when we might finally have a real property, I'm busy with school, and I'm having personal problems! Arrgh...

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I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

Swollen Side
Monday, September 15, 2008 @ 2:53 AM

mood: worried
listening to: my heartbeat

I can't sleep. My left kidney is bothering me again. It's been three days that I feel discomfort on my left side. At first, I didn't bother the subtle pain but now, well, it's obviously swollen. A stone is probably stuck again. I feel discomfort when sitting and lying (hence the could-not-sleep-yet stage). I want to calm down but I can't stop crying. I'm using this blog for catharsis since I know I can't call anyone at this time and I've no load.

I wouldn't want to bother anyone anyway so..

I've decided to wait for a week (to confirm if it's really a stone-- if I bleed or experience excrutiating pain) and then maybe get a CT-scan. I hate fasting. I could not go on an hour without eating something here at home.

My poor kidney...
I'm so sorry.

I know I don't blog as "frequent" as before; been really busy and tired lately: thesis, midterms, and other school activities (intrams, etc). But they're over (except the thesis.. or experimental research was it..).

I'll just pray it will somehow pass my urinary tract and out of my body so I don't need another operation, "wasting" money again for my weak, dysfunctional body. If my left kidney was 20-30% damaged then, I don't want it to be damaged that much this time-- the doctors might think of taking it out of my body. I know I will still have my right kidney but then if another freakin stone will.. God forbid.. *sigh* Yeah, I am depressed. Just when I thought things couldn't get more bleak-- it does.

I'm facing a familiar health dilemma.
I don't wanna miss classes again.
Sa darating na Oktubre-- isang taon na ang nakalipas.
I hate being alone at times like this.
It's so hard but there's nothing I could do.

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I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".