listening to:
Setting: In class
Boy1: Sa tingin mo magiging kami ni JC Concepcion?
Girl: Ha? Bakit? [Liligawan mo sya?!]
Boy1: *talks about how in the past they were friends and that the girl showed interest in him*
Girl: Ah, malay ko ba.
Boy1: *gives girl the meaningful look they both know*
...
Boy1: Ikaw kasi eh! [Kung dati ako ang pinili mo, hindi hahantong sa ganito!]
Girl: Ha? Kasalanan ko? [Eh sa tingin ko iba ang mahal mo noon!]
Boy2: *sits in front of Boy1 and Girl* Oo nga, kasalanan mo. [.. na hindi ako ang pinili mo. Masaya ka sana ngayon.]
Girl: *screams in frustration* Buset! [Alam ko, mali nga siguro ang pinili ko pero magiging ok rin ako! [Sana.]]
[cuts to another scene: going home]
Setting: On the way home
Boy1: *riding a bike*
Girl: *walking with a bike on her side, saw Boy1, saw where h's going [JC Concepcion's house], decides to tell him what's on her mind* Hoy! S-sa totoo lang-- kasalanan mo rin! [Na hinayaan mo akong paniwalaan na hindi mo ako ganong kamahal.]
Boy1: Ha?
Girl: Ka-kasi... Kung tutuusin... P-pwede naman maging tayo ngayon! [Dahil hindi na kayo ni *toot*!]
Boy1: ?!
Girl: O ano?! Di ba? [Pero hindi pa rin ako ang pupuntahan mo!] *gives him a meaningful look that both of them understands*
Boy1: *gibberish stuttering*
Girl: *hops on her bike and rides it away from Boy1*
Boy1: *turns his bike to catch up to Girl*
Girl: *to no one in particular* Ahh! How nice it is to learn how to ride a bike and learn how to swim, both in the same year!
Boy1: *catches up with Girl* You finally learned?
Then I woke up.
I settle my issues usually in my dreams. That is why whenever I feel like I'm not affected by anything [in the real life], I wait till I dream. The ones that I remember makes me figure out just how affected I am from it. It is like... perhaps consciously, I do not feel or think that I am affected because my brain could be shielding me from it. i.e I don't think of him at all now. I don't miss him anymore. *while dreaming* I hardly see you anymore. I miss you!
So I guess... I have been thinking about him at the back of my mind lately. I guess I really am not over him. It sucks. It sucks to still be in love with the same person for 5 years now.
Jason and Colbie might feel lucky. I certainly am not.
Sure, being in love is such a wonderful feeling but... getting yourself stuck with the person who doesn't love you as much and you don't see enough... is just heartbreaking.
If he does get over his ex, will you be the one he will think of?
If he doesn't, you'll be heartbroken to find him picking another girl.
Why can't it be me? You said [in the past] that you love me too?
Many responses/reasons:
I guess I don't feel that way about you anymore. [Coz I don't see you enough anymore. You know, "out of sight = out of mind = eventually, out of heart]
I still don't love you enough. [I'll feel guilty being with you when my heart don't feel enough love for you. It won't be fair to you.]
You're too good for me. [I have treated you bad in the past. You don't deserve me. You need to find someone who will treat you better and love you more. Then I'd be happy for you.]
If he does pick you, what would that mean, really?
I picked you because I love you [as my second].
I picked you because you love me. [Because in my situation now, I should be with people who loves me.]
I picked you because I realize how important you are to me. [Because you're always there for me, loving me unconditionally. It would be easy being with you.]
I picked you because I realized that the two of us are destined to be together. [How many times have my past relationship haven't worked out? But you stayed. It must mean something.]
Ok, ok, I suppose all those last responses only mean two things: you're his next love [second choice] and it's because you love him that is why the assurance made him feel confident that you're his right choice [whether he loves you enough or not]. Still very sad, isn't it? *sigh*
I really need pseudonyms for the people in my life.
Labels: dream, love, melancholy
I need to know "what is".

listening to: none
I made reviewers for 2 subjects (that I have an exam on for today) till it was around 3am and my elbows, hands, and neck hurt like hell.
I just woke up after 3 attempts to get out of bed at 6am and ending up asleep again and again.. and again.
I just had a very bizarre dream. I thought I should blog about it before I forgot.
I was at my house (in reality it resembled my lola's house-- I grew up there) with Mom. I had some friends over and there wasn't a friendly atmosphere. It seems that there's this awkward incident that they decided to visit because one of them thought that I was dying. Oddly enough though a friend told me that he was dying but then admitted that it was a joke a few minutes later.
Anyway, as I was saying. It was very bizarre. I went to the porch to look outside. (Outside looked like a suburb of America.) I was starring at the sky when suddenly there's this huge rock that fell nearby! No, the earth didn't quake. (Was my verb correct?) I saw a big dinosaur walking near it. It resembled a T-Rex and it was green. I continued to stare in awe when my mother noticed that I was visually occupied on something outside. She went to look at it too.
You'll never guess who I saw next.
Okay, I guess you could guess. I suppose you guys could think of that character who fights off gigantic dinosaur-like creatures after transforming into his huge form, complete with a bee-like head and a light button on his chest that will go on when he's low-bat.
That's right. I'm talking about Ultraman, for those who didn't get it.
He was dressed in pink.
At first I was like, "What in the world is a T-Rex doing outside my house?!"
(Er.. a rift in the space and time continuum?)
Then, "Oh my gosh, Ultraman exists?!"
(Was it as possible as a dinosaur in my neighborhood?)
Finally, "Why pink?!"
So Ultraman pounded the dinosaur to "death" with that huge boulder, did a happy dance and then transformed back to his human form.
No, this is not the end of my bizarre dream.
The bizarre actually starts HERE!
I bet you asked why Ultraman is wearing pink.
I'll tell you why right now.
It's coz he's BISEXUAL!
NOT!
Haha.. got your attention there.
*ahem* Anyhow. No, he's not bisexual. NO.
Ultraman is actually... Ultra... GIRL.
(I couldn't say woman coz she looked liked she's around mid to late adolescence.)
Yeah. SHE's a very serious-looking girl.
Don't let the happy dance fool you. When I saw her turn her face around, she's got that I-mean-business look.
So then it seemed as though she's still very much bothered about something. She scanned the area for a moment and guess where her expression changed to "I found [it/her]!"
Yup. It was I.
Oh. My. Gosh.
"What does she want from me?!"
She goes running off to the direction of my house and instinctively, I decided to hide. The concept of hiding from... an alien (what kind of being was Ultraman..girl anyway?) seemed ludicrous but my instinct told me I should try anyhow.
I left my house when I couldn't hide there in time as my mother was being asked by Human Ultragirl.
I went directly to Lola Jessie's house. I hid behind her gate and saw a guy in her garden. He looked nice and innocent. I gave him a gesture of would-you-mind-if-I-hide-in-here-and-pls-be-quiet-about-it. He simply smiled and nodded. I wondered who he was.
I peeped through the gaps of the gate to see that my friends were leaving. One by one I stare at them thinking suspiciously if Ultragirl disguised as one of them. In the end, I saw her. I held my breath for what it seemed like 15 seconds and it's already getting hard for me.
She stopped in front of the gate. She could freakin' sense me! She started to reach the gate handle and all kinds of thoughts circled in my mind.
Why did she pick me?
What does she want from me?
Should I be scared?
Is this my destiny?
Will I become her apprentice?
Will this be a good thing?
Or will I turn out to be an alien experiment?
And then I woke up.
I'm glad I did but I do feel a bit disappointed right now when I think about it. I mean... I want to know why she needs to talk to me. The reason might be something mind-boggling. Curiouser and curiouser.
I'm betting she wanted me to become her sidekick.
LOL
Could someone get Grandpa Freud on the phone for me?
Labels: awesome, dream, humorous, psychology
I need to know "what is".