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"Sorry but your passport is expired."
Monday, March 31, 2008 @ 12:41 PM

mood: overwhelmed [in the worst way possible]
listening to: deathly silence of despair

I didn't get on board. I stood there with the color on my face slowly disappearing. Apparently I've mistaken my Spanish passport's expiration date. I read it [11/03/2008] as November 03, 2008 when it's actually March 11, 2008. The lady on the counter that was checking my passport and putting the tag on my luggage asked me, "Is your birthday June 8th?" I told her it's on August 6th then she said my passport is expired. I insisted it's read the way I thought it was read. She asked me to wait for the manager or head.. or whatever she's called. The head lady walked up to me like fifteen minutes later (I was starring at my xerox copy passport the whole time, realizing the trouble I'm in). She told me it couldn't possibly be read as November 03 since the renewal must be 5 years exact (the issued date was 12/03/2008), which would mean it's a month short. I proceeded to look dumbfounded and hopeless. She said she'll confirm by calling London and the Spanish embassy. I continued starring at my passport, praying for some miracle to happen (like the numbers would re-arrange themselves) or for some clue that would still make me go on board for consideration. To no avail; the lady came back with the confirmed "you passport really is expired" look, and told me their airlines would be in trouble and have a fine if they still let me be on board. Then there's the possibility I'll get stuck in Singapore or London airport-- which is a heck of a lot worse if you get what I mean.

So there you go. Instead of sitting on the plane, having horrible thoughts of nausea-induced plane rides, I was standing there, shocked and trying to make my brain process for something I could hold on to. Life began to look pretty bleak for me. My first thought was, "Oh my God, I'm gonna be dead!" Thoughts of the worst possible punishments and consequences began running through my head. It included clinical depression, disownment [is there such word?], lost of trust, slashing of wrist, living alone, disappointment of family members, etc. I just know I'm gonna be in big trouble once my mom hears of this. I hope she'll somehow calm down after a few minutes of talking on the phone-- but I doubt it. I fear for her health, thus I could care less of what my fate would be. I'd worry more about the things going through her head and her metabolism. So yeah, I prayed more for her. I know I could handle myself and somehow fight back being depressed about all this. I could handle self-disappointment.

I couldn't use my Philippine passport since I'll need a Visa and NBI something (for Spanish passport holders--or maybe the general European passport holders, not sure-- we don't need a Visa when traveling). I have neither since we didn't think we'll need that anyway; the Spanish passport is what I'll initially use. The Philippine passport is only to notify I'm a dual citizen.

When I got my luggage, the lady told me that I should just re-book my flight. Since I don't know anything about flight jargons, I asked if that would mean I'll need to buy another ticket (hell no thanks-- I'm in enough financial troubles). She said no but I'll get a fine and then I could re-schedule. My mind shrieked, 'There is hope!' It would've been a nice thought for more than 3 seconds but what are the chances that there would still be seats available this month? But at least I got some hope and when I'll tell that to my mom, it might somehow calm her down too.

I came home through taxi. I could barely stand waiting for a ride outside the airport. (I didn't get a wink of sleep and I didn't have breakfast hoping that I could get both in the plane.) On the way home, the driver and I talked. Okay, he talked a lot and I managed to just mummble since I was so weak and sleepy. He told me stuff about re-booking and how my mom will be fine. Though my body is drained, my mind could still function some random thoughts like, 'Thanks for the reassuring words, Mister, but I really don't think things will be ok.' Besides, I'd rather think of the worst case scenario then be lifted by a positive feedback than be all positive then immediately put down.

I have another memorable moment in my life, would've been better said if it's leaning on the fortunate side but no. You And Me by Lifehouse should be playing in my head, instead it's the deathly silence of despair. I pray my mom will be alright.


I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

Believe It!
@ 3:32 AM

mood: shocked
listening to: There She Goes - Sixpence None The Richer

This is it. It's finally going to happen. After sleepless nights, countless imaginary scenes, and listening to certain London-related songs *deep breath* I'm finally going there. After years of merely looking at photographs from my aunts' home, after years I haven't seen my cousins, it's finally gonna happen. I'm finally going there and visit them.

But I still can't believe it.

Words could not express my nervousness and excitement. Nervousness is mainly about my flight, going around the airport, and that detestful nausea during the plane ride. I hope I don't mess up or forget something coz I would totally ruin things for me-- in one way or another.

From these mixed feelings, I couldn't sleep. I could feel my eyes are tired and I did closed them for an hour but sleep never came. Perhaps the Sand Man is too busy putting other caffeine-addicted and insomiac people to sleep.

Chamie is still sleeping when my mobile alarm went off. It actually surprised the heck out of me. I was trying to sleep, trying not to think about more preparations and stuff (but to no avail of course), when suddenly it started ringing. My body jerked and I managed to gasp, "Oh my God!" Yeah. If Chamie wasn't asleep then, she'd probably laughed her intestines out. I must admit, I silently laughed at myself.

I got up, took a bath, and now I'm here typing. I logged on my friendster account one last time and curiously checked on my horoscope (not that I rely on it, it's just interesting most of the time). This is what it says:
Let go of all of your worries today. Taking on an extra burden is not going to help anything get better. You don't know how things are going to turn out, so why would you choose to think the worst? You might feel like you're in limbo right now, not quite sure what step you should take next, but you should not see this time negatively. It's a great opportunity to think about the good things that could come soon. Visualize the best case scenario, and you will not be disappointed.

Bulls-eye hit, right? Well, I suppose after all my worries are done, I'd just find myself staring at the plane served food in front of me. The best case scenario would be when I see my mom amongst the crowd of people. =)

Well, no matter what happens, I know this journey would be great. I'll learn a lot of things. I'll experience a lot of first-times. I'm particularly excited about the foreign food I'll be eating. XD So yeah. In a few minutes, my ride will be outside. I'll be on the road to seemingly bliss... or something like that.

I'll be posting by experiences here when I get back-- with loads of pictures of course!

To my friends: I'll miss you all. Take care of yourselves and rest assured, I shall return! (Wait, is that copyrighted?)

One last thing: My title is not in any way Naruto associated. Funny, it occured to me seconds ago that my title seems familiar, like a meme somehow. LOL


I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

Leaving on a Jet Plane
Sunday, March 30, 2008 @ 7:34 PM

mood: upset
listening to: Pathetique - Beethoven

I've been saying this since last night to sis Chamie (she's staying over) and I'm gonna say it again: "I still can't believe I'm really going away tomorrow!" I'm excited and worried at the same time. It's been exactly like 5 years since my last flight to another country. I was with my mom back then so I didn't worry much about going around the airport but this time I'm all on my own.

My schedule:
12:00am - wake up and get ready
04:00am - travel to the airport
08:20am - departure from Manila
11:50am - arrival to Singapore (connecting flight)
12:45pm - departure from Singapore
19:10pm - arrival at London [Heathrow]

I just got off the phone with my mom and we had an argument. Whenever something doesn't go according to plan, she goes panic-striken. I had been aware that most people in my family have this A-type personality but over my observation for the past couple of years, my mom and her siblings seem to be getting "worse". Don't get me wrong, I love them and their perfectionism works on the positive side too but sometimes there are just those times when the pressure gets to me, you know? I know I kinda have that sort of personality too but at least I'm not in danger of heart attacks, high/low blood pressures and what-nots... yet. Most of the time, I just wish they become calmer individuals. They really, really worry me especially since they're so far away.

In regards of how I handle my emotions and ordeals, when I'm with impatient people, I become this calm person who delivers soothing words of wisdom, but when I'm with a calm and patient person, I become the opposite. It's like I balance out the emotions running along the situation. That sounds pretty stupid to me because I would argue the fact that a person must be patient regardless of what type of person/people [s]he is with and in any type of situation, right? (I always say, "Patience is a virtue.") But I guess people nowadays are really problematic to the point that they could care less about being calm and patient. *shrugs* That and because no two people are alike, and it's not like I could force people to change just coz I don't like panic-striken, neurotic tendencies. But anyway, going back to what I said, yeah I kinda have that type of personality too but I control my emotions once I become aware that I am starting to have nervous attacks.

So yeah, I'm from the family of worry-warts. Sad to say, I might become more like them in the future but(!) since I am already conscious of that expectation, I shall try to fight it... somehow. I am a psychology major after all. Oh and another thing: I'll spill [some] beans here. One of the reasons why I took psychology is to "help" and understand more about my family members' neurotic tendencies and other fields of their behavior. In addition to that, perhaps I could even make some research or theories out of my tests and observations of them.

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I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

Exciting Packing
Wednesday, March 26, 2008 @ 7:54 PM

mood: excited
listening to: Overloved - Paula DeAnda

I revealed one of the pants I'm gonna bring! lol I'm packing more things inside my maleta. Though I'm very causious about the weight requirement, I really shouldn't be coz I'm not gonna put a lot of stuff in. Mom told me that I only need few clothing as she will provide me with pambahay there amongst other necessities. She also told me that I might indulge in sales which will result to having trouble fitting gifts and clothes on my way back to Philippines. I asked her why I would buy winter/spring clothes and she told me that the clothes on sale are for summer. So now I'm looking forward to go around and shop for white tops, some nice long skirts, and probably accessories. =)

Here's a picture of me packing. I was going to use this and another picture (of a different pose) for my blog layout but then I got other things to deal with so I didn't have enough time to edit the layout itself. Being away for a month without internet and computer access (since I don't have a laptop-- gasp!) would mean I couldn't edit every hour of every day if I want to [exaggeration implied]. So I got a pre-made layout thanks to darkdegree. I've always wanted a nice div layout that I manage with lots of menus. I'll use this for now. =)


I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

3 Fandom Related In England
Thursday, March 20, 2008 @ 5:00 PM

mood: excited
listening to: Here Comes The Sun - The Beatles

My mom and I talked about my upcoming vacation in Europe. I'll be going to 3 countries: England (where she is at the moment), Switzerland (where my aunt Tita Risma and her family live), and Germany (where Tita Phine and her family live). I'm not sure if we're going for quick stops on other countries though. It's a pity I might not have the chance to stay in Spain even for just a couple of days-- it's where my mom lived like 1/3 of her life [from teen years to young adult], and I am a Spanish citizen-- by papers, not by blood-- then again I won't know for sure, right? I mean, consider the early Spanish rule over the Philippines and all that.

England is one of the places I would love to stay for some time. Japan is another and America (the latter I've already lived in years ago). I absolutely love this opportunity because after I graduate here, I'll be living in England for two years (based on my and my mom's agreement) to work or study/work, then I'll be going back here in the Philippines maybe to study some more (it's like my dream to study in UP). I'm still thinking if I would study in America or not for my MA or even a PhD since Harvard would be like a dream scene-- but it still scares me somehow. I don't know. I kinda wanna challenge myself or even for just the experience. A lot of successful psychologists studied at Harvard. It would certainly be great if I somehow make a theory of my own there. (Dream on, girl.)

That would be my somewhat imaginary plans but I know that it won't be final since a lot will surely happen and there might be some things that could manipulate or influence the outcomes-- the unexpected ones, like certain job offers, travel urges, and then there's marriage and.. hold up! Yes, marriage. XD I know I'm a bit too young to think about it but well, I do think about it. Hopefully someday I'll be married to the person who loves me more than any woman in the world [excluding family members, of course] and vice versa. *sigh* I am a dreamer.

Okay, about the title-- what are the three things that pop in my mind when I hear the word/place "England"?
1) Harry Potter (yeah, you probably thought of it yourself),
2) The Parent Trap (the remake starring Lindsay Lohan) and What A Girl Wants (starring Amanda Bynes), and behold--
3) LittleKuriboh! Bet ya didn't see that comin'!

Earlier on the phone with my mom, I asked her if the place we're going to stay is near the King's Cross Station. I swear I could somehow see her smiling on the other end when she paused and said, "Oh I see. Harry Potter?" =D My mom's a fan. She loves watching sci-fi and fantasy, magic-related films.

I grinned and asked again, "Umm.. So is it near?"

She replied, "Oh, we could go there. Yes."

I almost jumped from my seat. Really. I have this huge fan-smile on. "Alright!"

"I'll watch you go through Platform 9 and 3/4," my mom joked.

"You're coming with me through it! I am sooo gonna take lots of pictures!"

So there you have it. I'm a big fan of Harry Potter, though I can't say I'm obsessed with it (it seems like nothing can compare to my Yu Yu Hakusho obsession).

On to the second one. Why Parent Trap and What A Girl Wants, you ask? Remember the scene when they decided to switch places and one of them went to London? The part when Lindsay's character was looking out from the car? I love that scene, and also the one when she and her mom went to work. By the way, did you notice the song I'm listening to this moment? ("listening to" section on top) Yeah. Here Comes The Sun by The Beatles and There She Goes by by Sixpence None The Richer (or whoever else made a version of it) becomes memorable to me.

In What A Girl Wants, Amanda Bynes' character went to London to find her father. She walked on the bridge with Oliver James and with the other scenes, London's looking really fabulous. I especially love the song Crazy by Meredith Brooks. I reminds me of that scene when Amanda and Oliver fell from the canoe.

Last but most certainly not least! *cue of drumroll* LittleKuriboh! I am currently obsessed with Yu-gi-oh! The Abridged Series. I love how his voice is really similar to the original English dubbers-- it's amazing. The guy is clearly talented. I've read through his LiveJournal and picked a couple of places he said he's been to and asked my mom if we're near there. I was hoping I still have my luck since that "yes" from King's Cross Station but unfortunately, it ran out. She said it's far and we need to travel by train. In other words: I'm not gonna be able to go there.

It makes me sad since this is like a great opportunity for a fan such as myself to actually meet the guy. I was imagining how I would react. I was planning on how I would stand in a street corner and stalk him if ever he passes by. Just kidding, that's creepy. Besides, he'll probably run away. But somehow I would gather up all my courage and ask for an autograph, a picture, and a voice-dedicated message. It would be awesome. But yeah, it will not happen. *sigh* But I still get to step on the King's Cross Station. That's still something, right? Watch out pure and half-bloods, I might just discover I'm not a muggle after all. *wink, wink*

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I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

first entry
Wednesday, March 19, 2008 @ 4:51 PM

Hey guys, this is my first entry on this new blog. I'm still editing this so it still looks crappy lol. I need more time to play with html, adobe, etc. Come back later please.



I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".