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I Won't Wait For You Anymore
Saturday, April 17, 2010 @ 11:54 PM

mood: ... listening to: Goodbye To You by Michelle Branch

Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said,

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

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I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

On Hiatus? Not Exactly
Monday, April 12, 2010 @ 6:14 AM

I have some posts currently on draft mode. Yes, I've been busy but I did not abandon my blog. Nope. No siree Bob. Anyway, once I find the time and the urge to edit them [most consist of a few sentences and some phrases], that will be the time to post them. Unfortunately, though I certainly have the urge right not, I do not have the time. My Grandma's in the hospital and there are a number of things my Mom and I have to do that might not be pushed through. It's hard to manage scheds.

So yeah. Today we have like 5 destinations. It will leave my mother physically and mentally exhausted. (She broke down like half an hour ago already. *sigh*) So "wasting time" and "pasttimes" (sp?) will not be in our vocabulary till the end of the month. So there.

I hope the rest of the world is enjoying the summer [vacation]... Yeah. Who am I kidding, right? But I do hope. *shrugs*
songs frequently on my playlist nowadays:
Ash - Shining Light
Audioslave - Be Yourself
Audioslave - Like A Stone
Dashboard Confessional - Don't Wait
Keane - Everybody's Changing
La Rocca - Non Believer
My Chemical Romance - I Don't Love You
Paramore - The Only Exception


I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".

Jason and Colbie, no, I don't feel lucky.
Sunday, April 11, 2010 @ 9:21 AM

listening to:

Setting: In class
Boy1: Sa tingin mo magiging kami ni JC Concepcion?
Girl: Ha? Bakit? [Liligawan mo sya?!]
Boy1: *talks about how in the past they were friends and that the girl showed interest in him*
Girl: Ah, malay ko ba.
Boy1: *gives girl the meaningful look they both know*
Boy1: Ikaw kasi eh! [Kung dati ako ang pinili mo, hindi hahantong sa ganito!]
Girl: Ha? Kasalanan ko? [Eh sa tingin ko iba ang mahal mo noon!]
Boy2: *sits in front of Boy1 and Girl* Oo nga, kasalanan mo. [.. na hindi ako ang pinili mo. Masaya ka sana ngayon.]
Girl: *screams in frustration* Buset! [Alam ko, mali nga siguro ang pinili ko pero magiging ok rin ako! [Sana.]]

[cuts to another scene: going home]
Setting: On the way home
Boy1: *riding a bike*
Girl: *walking with a bike on her side, saw Boy1, saw where h's going [JC Concepcion's house], decides to tell him what's on her mind* Hoy! S-sa totoo lang-- kasalanan mo rin! [Na hinayaan mo akong paniwalaan na hindi mo ako ganong kamahal.]
Boy1: Ha?
Girl: Ka-kasi... Kung tutuusin... P-pwede naman maging tayo ngayon! [Dahil hindi na kayo ni *toot*!]
Boy1: ?!
Girl: O ano?! Di ba? [Pero hindi pa rin ako ang pupuntahan mo!] *gives him a meaningful look that both of them understands*
Boy1: *gibberish stuttering*
Girl: *hops on her bike and rides it away from Boy1*
Boy1: *turns his bike to catch up to Girl*
Girl: *to no one in particular* Ahh! How nice it is to learn how to ride a bike and learn how to swim, both in the same year!
Boy1: *catches up with Girl* You finally learned?

Then I woke up.

I settle my issues usually in my dreams. That is why whenever I feel like I'm not affected by anything [in the real life], I wait till I dream. The ones that I remember makes me figure out just how affected I am from it. It is like... perhaps consciously, I do not feel or think that I am affected because my brain could be shielding me from it. i.e I don't think of him at all now. I don't miss him anymore. *while dreaming* I hardly see you anymore. I miss you!

So I guess... I have been thinking about him at the back of my mind lately. I guess I really am not over him. It sucks. It sucks to still be in love with the same person for 5 years now.

Jason and Colbie might feel lucky. I certainly am not.

Sure, being in love is such a wonderful feeling but... getting yourself stuck with the person who doesn't love you as much and you don't see enough... is just heartbreaking.

If he does get over his ex, will you be the one he will think of?

If he doesn't, you'll be heartbroken to find him picking another girl.
Why can't it be me? You said [in the past] that you love me too?
Many responses/reasons:
I guess I don't feel that way about you anymore. [Coz I don't see you enough anymore. You know, "out of sight = out of mind = eventually, out of heart]
I still don't love you enough. [I'll feel guilty being with you when my heart don't feel enough love for you. It won't be fair to you.]
You're too good for me. [I have treated you bad in the past. You don't deserve me. You need to find someone who will treat you better and love you more. Then I'd be happy for you.]

If he does pick you, what would that mean, really?
I picked you because I love you [as my second].
I picked you because you love me. [Because in my situation now, I should be with people who loves me.]
I picked you because I realize how important you are to me. [Because you're always there for me, loving me unconditionally. It would be easy being with you.]
I picked you because I realized that the two of us are destined to be together. [How many times have my past relationship haven't worked out? But you stayed. It must mean something.]

Ok, ok, I suppose all those last responses only mean two things: you're his next love [second choice] and it's because you love him that is why the assurance made him feel confident that you're his right choice [whether he loves you enough or not]. Still very sad, isn't it? *sigh*

I really need pseudonyms for the people in my life.

Labels: , ,

I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".