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Big Update
Monday, August 04, 2008 @ 10:41 AM

mood: a bit tired
listening to: Fade Into You - Mazzy Far

It's been a heck of a long while since I last put up an entry. A lot also happened but I was too lazy to blog it, sorry. I'm gonna rant now. You have been warned. Here we go [without pictures yet]:

You'll find it amusing enough that I actually took it seriously. I'm the type of person who often gives the benefit of the doubt and believe in people despite others' mistrust. Maybe it's because I don't like to regret on not believing on people. Maybe it's because I was engrossed with what happened in the Bible, no one believed in Jesus and well, we know what happened with that. Maybe it's also because I could sympathize with those people since I myself had been put in that situation back then. Or maybe I'm still too gullible for my own good.

It seriously pisses me off that a particular group of people (family members pa un ha) didn't believe me. As if I did something that could make them distrust me. I am too honest and trusting, my conscience level is too high, and I am not a risktaker-- which is why when I purposely tell a lie as a joke, it doesn't go through the end of the day without my confession (a week at the most on rare occassions). Also, usually even if I am not the one who did a mistake, I would still somehow feel guilt so I am usually the one trying to patch things up. Yeah, sometimes I dislike myself for being that... stupid and forgiving. But well, it's better than being too anxious.

Better me than them, right?

So I went to sis Chamie to crash there for the night. We prayed, I panicked a little but thank goodness nothing happened. I felt a bit like an idiot but I didn't regret about being "prepared". It's better than regretting.

Damn chain letter.

Kuya Norman, Ellen, May and I had our title defense. I wasn't as much as nervous of that as with the earthquake rumor so.. Haha. It went well. Some areas are changed and/or altered for the better. =)

We went to Sisters of Mary. The place looks nothing like it's built on donations. I swear it even looked better than, well, other private schools. [insert random gasps here] Food wasn't so great though. The chapel was beautiful. (If only taking pictures are allowed in that chapel.) During confession, May, Len, and I were the last ones and I think the time of the mass caught with us so the priest made our session very brief. I only got to confess one sin while I was planning to confess around three. Ah well, there would be other times. I still can't receive the holy bread till that next time. *sigh*
[pictures later]

I am generally not satisfied with my prelim scores and my overall grades. I've been depressed for like a week. I am so disappointed with myself. This is the result of being used to having high grades. I feel like I'm losing my identity-- seriously. As it turned out, I guess I still couldn't pull away from my nerd side. Damn it, I am so upset. Why can't I memorize as good as before?! Is it anxiety? Is there something wrong with my hippocampus?! Is it some kind of chemical imbalance?! *screams in frustration* I need to knooow!

I found out that the lens of my Aowa dvd player is broken. So that's why it couldn't read cds. It would cost me P1200 for the lens plus P400 for labor. They suggested to buy a new one for P1500. I thought so too. I miss watching dvds. I rarely use the television nowadays. When I get a new one I'll probably watch Gilmore Girls marathon. I miss that so much.

My mobile's experiencing some technical difficulties recently too. Sometimes it would freeze on me. There are also those times when it would turn off suddenly and then the words "Insert SIM Card" would flash on screen. Freaks me out big time. My mobile is too important to me. All the numbers I need are in there. I don't keep a written record anymore. (I did have a typewritten document but it's not updated so.. it's almost useless.) I have more than 750 numbers there. *sigh* It also acts as my calendar and my alarm clock. I'd be lost without it. But it seems as though it can't handle those responsibilities any longer. *sigh* I did say in the past that I'll keep using it till it passes it's 3 year anniversary and it's been over 3 years now.. like it heard me or something. Ah well, I won't replace Sam. I'll just buy a new cellphone and use Sam once in a while. Besides, the pictures and other memoirs are still there so.. you know, sentimental value. I won't swap it or give it to anyone (not like someone would want a beat up, scratched, defective, old mobile anyway).

Now I just need to find a second-hand mobile somewhere I could afford and give it a proper name. I prefer a Nokia one since it's user-friendly and it has a group message feature. Manual group messaging is a big pain on the fingertips, not to mention time consuming.

... Perhaps I should follow this format when I don't blog much. Till next big update again!

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I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".