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Physical & Emotional Exhaustion
Thursday, June 02, 2011 @ 10:54 PM

mood: oh you'll soon read about it below
listening to: silence

Here's my result from the Colorgenics test online:
At this time you are really feeling quite exhausted by all the conflict and quarrelling that is going on about you and you are looking for some sort of protection from this state of affairs. Ideally you are seeking a peaceful condition and a tranquil environment in which you can be afforded the chance to relax and recover.

For some time now you may have been subjected to considerable physical illness and or emotional distress. This may have taken a severe toll and you feel both physically and mentally worn out. Your self esteem has been reduced and you now need a peaceful environment which will permit you to effect full recovery.

You feel that you should be appreciated far more than you are but no-one seems to care! You feel that you are receiving less than your share and the main problem is that there is no-one to whom you can turn to for sympathy and understanding. The inner stress that you are experiencing makes you quick to take offence but you realise that at this particular moment in time there is little that you can do to relieve the situation.

All of the stress and strains resulting from disappointment have led to agitation and anxiety. You have been going out of your way to make a good impression, but you have reservations as to the likelihood of succeeding. You feel that you have a right to accomplish all that you set your mind on but you have become helpless and distressed when circumstances have gone against you. The idea of failure is most upsetting and this can even mean utter dejection. You see yourself as a scapegoat and you feel everyone in your sphere of influence has tried to take undue advantage of you. You are trying to convince yourself that your failure to achieve standing and recognition is not of your making but indeed of those around you.

You are moody and depressed at this time but it will pass. All of your hopes and dreams seem to have gone astray and you are fearful of planning further for the future. Disappointment at the non fulfilment of your hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted in considerable anxiety and you try to escape from this by withdrawing into yourself. But that is not the answer. You have the power to succeed, believe in yourself... all is possible to him who believe."

I suppose that pretty much sums up my current predicament nowadays.

I am thankful and grateful for the support of my mother, my boyfriend, my old friends, as well as my new friends. I am trying to cope with these emotional feelings, but I think what I need most is rest. Unfortunately though, it can't be done. I cannot have a full day of rest. I can't even manage a good night sleep. I can't even manage more than 5 hours of sleep.

Anyway, I am currently finishing my dinner (and typing this). I should proceed to printing stuff for work after this. I can't cry yet, but when I do, I bet it will feel great afterwards. Yeah.

I am hanging on.

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I want to stop wondering "what-ifs".
I need to know "what is".